No Guarantees
by thelastbumblebee
Summary: Modern A/U - Anna Smith and John Bates meet at a wedding ... and the rest is history! A bit of angst - a bit of romance - and a few laughs along the way!
1. Chapter 1

_**Welcome to my new story - a modern A/B pairing, I've written another modern A/B story - which was set in Leeds and Cork - which I found quite hard since I know neither city - so just for my own benefit - this one's set in Cardiff, in South Wales, which I know very well. But that's the only erroneous thing - and the characters are still both from Yorkshire and Ireland - so fear not!**_

_**(the music collection featured in here is shockingly bad - and involved me trawling through my old CD's and tapes to remember what I was listening to some 10/12 years ago!)**_

_**Anna and John meet at a mutual friends wedding, and get to know each other - this is all a bit tongue in cheek, and all that - it's rated T to be safe and will probably be up to that within the next few chapters.**_

_**Have fun - stay safe - and please comment if you want to - I like positives and negatives - so even if you hate it - I love to hear!**_

* * *

Anna knocked on the bathroom door again, she pressed her ear to the white gloss wood and listened hard, she could hear the throaty sobs from the other side.

"Hannah? Han? Come on – what is it?"

"I look fat … and ugly … and short!" And the wailing carried on, in the background there was the sharp shrill ring of the doorbell.

"Han – The hairdresser's here, I'm going to leave this tea by the door here, and I'll be back now in a minute with Ceri, you get yourself presentable and then come out. OK?" Anna loved Hannah dearly, they were good friends, but being head bridesmaid at her best friends wedding was taking it's toll. At the front door Anna found Ceri, the hairdresser, she and Anna were friend's of friends – they had met a few times and Anna liked Ceri's no nonsense approach to hair and makeup – she had worked in south East Cardiff for 30 years and had no time for the bridzillas that the North Cardiff suburbs bred.

"Hiya, she's upstairs in the toilet … she's a bit emotional!"

"Hiya – yeah well they all get a bit mental on the big day don't they! Where am I going?"

"Go on upstairs – front bedroom, tea?"

"Cup of coffee'd be lush – ta."

With the kettle on, and the toaster toasting, Anna tried the bathroom door again, she noted the cup of tea had gone and rather than knocking she tried the handle – the door opened. Sitting on the floor, her eyes ringed red, leaned against the edge of the bath was Hannah.

"Babes – what if he doesn't turn up?"

"Han – he will turn up, Martin loves you – he'll be at the church at 11am, just like he's meant to be. But he'll have nothing to turn up to unless you shift and let Ceri do her stuff!"

"She's right you know – I've been doing this now for 27 years, and I've never known a man ditch his girl at the alter." Added Ceri from the doorway, a cup of coffee in her hands. "If a man's going to leave you it'll be a week before – that's when they get cold feet – not on the big day! Now come round and sit by here – I'll do both your hair, I'll leave your makeup 'till last Hannah, keep you looking nice and fresh!" Anna pulled Hannah to her feel, drawing her in for a hug, 'Thank you!' she mouthed over her friend's shoulder to Ceri, who winked back. Feeling a vibration in her dressing gown pocket Hannah answered her mobile, Anna saw the terror in her eyes as she said:

"Hello – John?" followed by silence for a few seconds as Hannah nodded fiercely before turning to Anna,

"Anna – It's Martin's best man – it's John – he says they need the buttonholes …"

"Tell him I'll leave the front door on the latch – and that the flowers'll be in the living room. He can come and get them whenever!"

* * *

Anna stepped into the living room, it was a little messy still from her and Hannah's evening in – watching Mad Men on Sky1 and drinking white wine - but given how their flat at university used to look after a night in together Anna thought that her house was looking pretty good.

"Tights … tights … tights … come on – where are you?" said Anna – searching around, she had brought a new pair the other day – she new she had.

"Hello …" said a voice behind her, she spun around to see a man standing in the doorway, he was tall and dark haired – broad shouldered and, Anna decided, in his mid 40's … good looking in a sort of "I'm old enough to be your uncle" way. Anna liked her men with the well cut jeans and short sharp hair look about them – this man, with his faded dark jeans, green fleece and rumpled hair wasn't the kind of man she would normally look twice at – but something about him make her look twice, make her smile, make her heart beat just a little quicker.

"Hello … I'm a little too afraid to look down – but I have a nasty feeling I'm just in a bra and knickers …"

"Yes. Yes you are just in a bra and knickers … although they're very nice, and from what I can see – clean – so you know … well done!"

"Thanks – now … please tell me you're John the best man – and not some random peeping Tom?"

"I am John the Best man – and you must be Anna the head bridesmaid?"

"I am yes …"

"Well in that case – Anna the head bridesmaid, let me give you my fleece, cover your dignity. And I'll just take this box here – are these all for the registry office now?"

"Yes – there's two big ones in the red tray for you and Martin at the back of the box …."

"Lovely … well then – I'll say goodbye … Anna the head bridesmaid!"

* * *

She was loathed to admit it, but Hannah's dictator-like method for wedding organisation had resulted in a pretty good day, the DJ had pitched the night very well, starting of with songs for the under 16's to enjoy while everyone else was crowded round the bar and buffet – and now that everyone was reasonably drunk – he had stuck on all the old 80's party classics: Agadoo, Dj Otzi's Hey Baby, Saturday night, Mambo number 5 – and for some inexplicable reason C'est la Vie, which no-one liked 1998 – let alone some 14 years later …

"Hello again – I barely recognised you with your clothes on …" said a voice in Anna's ear – she turned to see John the Best man stood next to her, and inspite of herself she laughed.

"That's not funny – I could have you done for lewd comments!"

"Good luck with that one!"

"Have you got a name – or is it just 'John the best man'?"

No. My surname's the-best-man, it's something of an affliction actually!"

"I can imagine…"

"… it's not actually – It's Bates …"

"Do you?"

"What?"

"Misterbate!"

"Oh ha bloody ha – because I've never heard that one before! Go on then – what's yours?"

"Smith – very dull!"

"Not dull – dependable – you never met a mass murder called Smith did you!"

"Same goes for Bates!"

"You forget – greatest film of all time – with possibly the worst special effects – PHSYCHO!"

"Ah – Norman Bates – of course!"

"I could never open a hotel! It's really held me back … can I buy you a drink?"

"Vodka and tonic'd be great, thanks."

She followed him over to the bar, where a harassed looking youth was trying to read the optics upside down. John shouted his order over the sound of 'the court of King Caratacus' which was now being played as a group of very drunk pensioners tried to remember the dance.

"So – Miss Smith – what do you do?"

"English teacher – is a comp over in town – you?"

"Social worker – up in the Valleys."

"Where abouts?"

"Rhondda - bit remote ... beautiful though mind …" and it wasn't the only thing he thought to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2! - Quite a lot happens in this chapter - so try and keep up - more was going to happen in this chapter - but it's been trimmed down - and parts have been relocated.**_

_**I hope you enjoy - and as always - please review!**_

* * *

Anna twisted in bed – she could feel something sharp in her back. Rolling onto her front, eyes closed tight against the sun pouring in through her window, she felt along her back until her fingers closed around the zip that was digging into her spine, she dragged it down – relieving the pressure. Through the kind of bleary eyes that only a Cava and Vodka induced hangover can bring, Anna looked at her alarm clock – 13:21.  
"Jesus …" she mumbled into her pillow, it'd been a long time since she had had a hangover that had left her this mentally defunct. Her eyes a little less bleary, she caught sight of a piece of paper on her bedside table, a small rectangle torn from a note book, propped up against a box of Nurofen. Blinking hard, she reached for the piece of paper, trying not to move too quickly or look anywhere even vaguely near the sunlight.

_Anna, _

_I hope you slept well.  
I spent the night on the sofa,  
you were a bit worse for wear  
and I didn't want to leave you.  
I hope that's OK._

_John  
P.S. thought you might need some  
nurofen!_

Wow – thought Anna, a gentleman, a real bona fide one! She made it into the kitchen, managing not to empty the entire condense of her digestive system onto the kitchen floor, flicking on the kettle she picked up her mobile and dialled Gwen.

"Hey. You're alive then – by all accounts you were carried out of Hannah's wedding."

"I wasn't quite that bad – I remember walking out on my own two feet thank you very much!"

"Mmm – walked out with the best man according to my sources. A bit of a dish was he? What is it all the girls in my form say _'peng'_ – was he _'well peng'_ Anna?"

"Oh shut up – he was very nice and spent the night on the sofa because he was worried about me."

"Do you ever feel like a bit of a hypocrite – doing those '_don't get smashed and have unprotected sex with a peadophile'_ talks to the year 10's – while you're busy caning it of a Saturday night?"

"I was not out caning it – I just …"

"Got trollied and slept with a stranger who's fifteen years older than me."

"I didn't sleep with the man! And … I am not going to carry this conversation on if you're going to be a … knob!"

"Ouch – you and your pithy put downs Miss Smith! Did you really not sleep with him? OK so – will you be seeing you're gentleman friend again … for sexytimes?"

"Did you genuinely just say sexytimes? … I'd like to – he was nice, funny, charming – yeah! Oh but …"

"But … you don't have his number do you? You idiot!"

* * *

He would never be able to get used to not drinking, it had been part of his life for so long, he felt ill at ease when he was the tee-totaler at a party. But he enjoyed waking up hangover free – it made a change from the ten years he spent waking up in the morning with a headache that could split the atom and a mouth that felt like the bottom of an ashtray. He swigged down the last of his coffee and took a minute to tighten his lace. He checked the time – it'd just gone 1:20 – he could get a fairly good walk in before his meeting at 4. They'd telephoned that morning, it was an emergency apparently, he knew what emergency meant, emergency meant that some kid was being taken into care and John would have to be the evil bastard in the corner holding his clipboard and trying to look like it wasn't breaking his heart. He hated that part of his job – to help people grow, to fix themselves, to learn – that was what he enjoyed, he liked to see a child come in, broken and afraid, stroppy and rude, sometimes aggressive and to see them grow up and leave his care a new person, with dreams, and confidence, and with a chance.  
He took a fleece from his bag and pulled it over his head, checking his watch again, ¼ to – plenty of time. Walking up the side of the valley, along the track he thought about last night, about yesterday. About Anna Smith, she was a nice girl – scratch that, she was lovely – pretty, funny, a body that made his collar feel tight just thinking about it and … something else – something about her that said 'you can try if you want – but don't blame me when you lose a leg'. He smiled to himself – remembering how she had looked when he had walked in on her – in her underwear, she had looked good – but more than that she looked enchantingly mortified.  
He should have got her number, he could ring Martin he supposed, although that would be entirely obvious, and however well John knew Martin, he didn't want to be obvious about his private life. And anyway – he decided as he reached the crest of the valley, it was foolish of him to think that that lovely funny girl might be interested in him. He wasn't being modest, he just knew facts, facts like: he was 43 – she was … somewhere in her mid-late 20's, he had a past that would have sent Monica Lewinsky running for the hills – and he imagined that she probably didn't, he was a social worker - who liked to ramble over the Brecon Beacons – had a ever weakening penchant for cheese and onion crisps and who was absolutely no fun to socialise with since he have up drinking and (at least on the good days) smoking.  
But still he thought to himself – he wished he had got her number.

* * *

"After-noon Miss."

"Hello Izzy, I think that should be 'Prinhawn dda Miss' shouldn't it." There had been yet another directive sent down from the powers that be that morning in the staff meeting – that welsh vocabulary should be used at all possible times.

"Probably Miss, did you have a nice weekend?"

"I did thank you – I went to a friend's wedding – you?"

"Aww there's lovely, I went to the pictures Miss."

"Anything good on?"

"Titanic … in 3D! Have you seen it Miss?"

"I saw it the first time round – when – God help me – I was probably about your age. And I think something's are probably best left in the past, like perms and Steps."

"Perms are back in Miss – and Steps are doing a reunion tour."

"God help us all! Right then Year 13 … are we all OK with the Hamlet essays from last week? Yes – excellent, then carry on reading the next scene, and then we can do the notes as a group." Having settled down her class of five 18 year olds, Anna turned her attention to the computer; she had found the Vale of Glamorgan Social services page. She scrolled down, reading the list of names and contacts, and the she saw his name.

_**John Bates,**_  
_**Young adult services (15 – 18)**_  
_**01443 423 504**_

_**Chapel House, Chapel st,**_  
_**Tonypandy,**_  
_**Rhondda Fawr,**_

She picked up the classroom telephone, and dialed the number, once it had begun to ring she stepped out side her classroom closing the door behind her – with the phone cord running through the door.

* * *

John picked up the file, a paper-clipped sheet was covered in Mandy Davies cramped scrawl - this boy had been causing trouble for the last ten years in care, everything from arson to minor drug dealing. A whole host of social workers, better ones than him had tried and failed to help him, aged 16 he was being moved into a halfway house in Tonypandy – which meant that he had now fallen under John's watchful eye. Mandy's notes were a mixture of advice and apology, a mixture that John was scanning briefly when the knock came at his office door.

"Come in … Hi Mandy – so this is Kyle. Hello Kyle – I'm John, have a seat. So Kyle, I've just been looking through your file – it's makes for some interesting reading. Look – cards on the table, I'm your social worker, I'm here to help, but there's only so much I can do. I want you to leave care in 2 years time, with maybe an NVQ, maybe an apprenticeship, we could even look at the armed forces – but I want you to leave with a future, not just with a criminal record. You're 16 now –things change, I'm not here to pick up the pieces – I won't come after you if you start dicking about. But I'm here to help if you want it – right?" John ducked down slightly at his desk, he tried to look Kyle in the eyes, but the boy avoided his gaze with deliberate purpose – apparently his knees were fascinating! Shaking all three of the rooms occupants out of their reverie, the phone on his desk rang, quickly tossing aside a pile of doubtless very important papers, he grabbed the handset.

"Hi."

"John – I've got a Anna Smith, from Cardiff on the line." Said the deep sonorous tones of Dai, the receptionist – come local-pub-landlord, who manned the phones for the three social workers who called the festering musty collection of rooms in Chapel st their offices.

"Right yes – OK, put her through … Anna, hi."

"Hi John I hope you don't …"

"Look sorry, I'm right in the middle of something – I just need to … can I ummm – call you back."

"Right … yeah – sorry I didn't think …"

"Just leave your num-" the phone cut off – the dialing tone filling his ear. "Shit!" he hissed under his breath, he had just given her the brush off – and stupidly hadn't thought to get her number first!


	3. Chapter 3

_**Here we are - chapter 3! I hope you enjoy this one, it has a bit of angst in it - a bit of romance - and the beginnings of John's dark past making an emergence!**_

_**Enjoy - devour - and as always - please review if you enjoyed it!**_

* * *

John tapped his fingers along the key-board, he wanted to look, he wanted to find her, but this was against quite a few regulations, not that that would usually stop him, but somehow searching for a girls place of work on the social services computer system seemed really bad, and if he was honest – a bit creepy. He could break protocol and look her number up and get a chance to explain – or he could not look her up, stick to the rules and maybe never see her again.  
Pretending to be decisive, he typed in the scrolled down the list of Cardiff schools, and searching for Anna Smith. There were three:

**Mrs Anna Smith (Mathematics)**  
** Cardiff High school – (029) 20 398 143**

**Dr Ana Klein-Smith (German)**  
** Whitchurch High school – (029) 20 521 082**

**Miss Anna Smith (Head of English) **  
** Cathays High school – (029) 20 227 984**

By the process of elimination, that Anna wasn't either married or German, John decided that she must have been the head of English at Cathays. He took a deep breath and dialled the number; he hoped that he would get a chance to explain to her – he had been stupid and spoken without thinking, he had been rash and made her think he wasn't interested when he was – he really really was!

"Ahh – hello, I was wondering if I could speak to your head of English Anna Smith? It's John Bates, I … I work for the Vale of Glamorgan Social services … thanks … Anna? Anna hi it's John."

"Hi – I'm umm I've got a class of year 8's coming in in 5 minutes. I can't talk long."

"Are you free now? I just wanted to say how sorry I am, I was in the middle of something … this lad who … look never mind. I'm sorry."

"So am I – I shouldn't have had a strop and hung up on you either …"

"Would you like to go out for a meal sometime? I mean you don't have to – don't feel obliged but -"

"- I would love to! I have to go – I'm sorry, I have to go I've got this class."

"Well why don't I meet you in town tonight, bottom end of St Mary's street? I think I could sort us out a table. 7pm?"

"OK – I'll see you then – bye."

* * *

Anna stood against the glass of the shop front, the cool spring air was blowing her hair about and making her wish that she had thought to wear something a bit more substantial – cotton vest tops were not designed to withstand Welsh springs, which rarely seemed to get warm for what the high street deemed a spring/summer wardrobe. It was already ¼ past, she hoped he would turn up, when he had called her up in school she had almost turned him down, she had been pretty sure he had given her the brush off when she had telephoned him. And maybe quite rightly, he had been a gentleman, he had taken her home he had made sure she was OK, but that didn't mean he was interested … maybe this was his lovely, kind, honourable way of saying 'thanks – but no thanks'. Maybe he was gay, she thought, in Anna's experience the nice, kind, sweet men were often gay … or married.

"Hello – sorry, have you been waiting all this time? I got caught up with work … sorry!"

"That's OK – I thought maybe you were going to stand me up …"

"NO! God no – that'd be a bit stupid of me – it's not everyday I get to spend the evening with a lady like you …" Did I really just say Lady? Thought John … come on man – this isn't 1936!

"Lady? Really?"

"Perhaps I have very low expectations of a lady – I suppose you did present yourself to me in your bra and knickers when we first met."

"Thanks – I was trying to forget that one! Sorry about that though – I don't normally."

"No – please don't apologise – it was quite a treat, it's not very often I get half naked women, or men, parading themselves to me! It's a memory that'll stick for a while that's for sure … I'm sorry – that sounds like I've been masturbating over you doesn't it …?"

"A little bit … a little bit! I'll probably change the subject now – this is entering a territory I try not to stray to before I've eaten!"

"Yep – let's change the subject away from my – self abuse. Sorry I brought it up again didn't I!"

"Yes John, yes you did! Don't worry though – we can eat some vaguely phallic shaped pasta to take our minds off it if you like."

"Lets!"

The restaurant was small, but relatively quiet – Tuesday nights were not prime nights for the food industry. While John cast a critical eye down the menu, Anna cast a not entirely critical eye over John, he was bigger then she recalled, broader at the shoulder and in height, having seen him in his dusty fleece and then a wedding suit, it was nice to see him in an interim set of clothes – his shirt and jeans suited him. She liked him, as she had waited she had tried to recall his face from the wedding, she remembered very little of the day thanks to the lethal quantity of champagne – but now that she saw his face again she wondered how she had forgotten it, the soft Irish eyes (she normally scoffed at the idea of a physical feature that was attributed to nationality – but in his case she was prepared to make an exception), the warm smile that reached into you when he showed it. It was, Anna decided, the kind of face it'd be nice to wake up to in the morning.

"Are you alright Anna? You've gone a bit red …"

"Have I? No I haven't – what are you going to eat?"

"Me? Oh I thought steak, I'm a bit of a fan of red meat – so if it's being served in a restaurant then I'm sort of duty bound to order it."

"I have a similar feeling about apple crumble."

"With custard or ice cream?"

"Either or – I'm not difficult. It's the crumble that's the important bit, saying that – cream on apple crumble is an abomination, wrong on every level!"

"I'll bear that in mind! You know – I think I have to explain about the phone call the other day. I had this lad in, and I can't say the ins and outs obviously, but he was new to me, and he's a difficult lad and I didn't think stopping out meeting for me to chat up some girl was quite the right ice breaker!"

"It's fine – you don't have to explain, I thought you were giving me the brush off – and I … I was silly I hung up – so I ought to say sorry too. Friends?" she said, holding out a hand across the table, he glanced down at the proffered hand. Damn, he though to himself, friends – is there any more crushing word to say in the middle of a date? But he wasn't surprised – gorgeous young women weren't interested in washed up old men like him, however dejected he felt however, he accepted her hand.

"Of course – you needn't ask! Now what are you having to eat?"

* * *

Anna looked across at her alarm clock, 6:23, that'd be why the alarm hadn't rung yet, 7 more minutes in bed: bliss! And then, like some kind of rain cloud descending she remembered the previous night.

"Oh shit … bloody shitting hell!" she said, rolling over and groaning into her pillow, how could she have forgotten the intense, cringy, horrific night she had gone to bed from.  
Having invited him into her house, in the middle of a perfectly normal and civilised conversation about government cuts she had succumbed to the overwhelming desire to kiss him, and for a second – longer than that - for a minute, that had been fine. He had reciprocated with just the same passion and fervour as her – this had been a good sign in Anna's eyes, he wasn't gay, and she was fairly sure – not married! And to top off a good bit of news, he clearly fancied her, at least enough to not have kicked her off him. And then, as she felt his hand slide up her waist, coming to rest on her ribs, the air caught in her throat she broke away from his lips, his eyes meeting hers for a second before she reached a hand up to his top shirt button, as she pushed the small plastic disk through it's button hole he caught her wrist – pushing her hand back away from him. His other hand pushing her torso away, standing up with a panicked look in his eye he grabbed his coat off the armchair.

"Sorry – sorry I'm … I'm sorry, I can't – I'm – no I'm sorry I can't – bye – I'll umm – I'll see you." And with that, he rushed out of the door, leaving Anna confused and alone. A decision he regretted the minute he was back in his car, and a decision he was still regretting the next morning, as Anna made her way into school, John sat on the window ledge of his office with Mandy.

"Well John Bates – that was a bit stupid wasn't it!"

"You're telling me. Oh Christ – if you're going to smoke in front of me then at least give me a drag."

"Here – take the rest, I'm done. I don't suppose you told her did you – about the … about the reasons why you – did a runner?"

"No – I didn't think it was quite the way to seduce her. ' Hi Anna, I'm a recovering alcoholic, the world's worst ex smoker, with an insane ex wife – oh and I haven't –'"

"-I wasn't suggesting you go into major detail, and you're not a recovering alcoholic, you just choose not to drink - there's a difference! But she sounds like a nice girl, a nice girl who likes you John. But if you want another chance with her then you'll have to say something."

"The truth?"

"Well … maybe not yet, she's not a pack horse, let's not give her all your baggage just yet!"


	4. Chapter 4

**_Firstly - thank you for all your very lovely and kind reviews - they are very welcome - and please do continue - they are always always lovely to hear!  
_**

_**Warning to all who enter here - there lies within some T rated stuff, not very T, not even vaguely X-rated, but a bit of loving for A/B. **_

**[And if any of you, for any reason care, John's address is a real address here in Wales, and was the former residence of D.J. Williams, the completely excellent and very interesting, minor hero of mine. He was a socialist, and a Welsh nationalist who founded the Welsh nationalist party - Plaid Cymru. He is en excellent writer who died in the 70's.]**

* * *

_Anna, _

_I'm writing this in the car so I'm sure my hand writing'll be all over the place. I waited – but you're obviously not home. I'm sorry, I seem to have said that a lot lately haven't I, but I am. There's a lot you should know about me, the kind of things that mean it wouldn't be right for me to try and engage you in any kind of relationship until you know, I thought I could have deceived you – or at least kept you in the dark, but my conscience got the better of me._

_ I don't suppose it matters, but I'm married, to a slightly psychotic megalomaniac – we separated some years ago, but she still has quite some hold over me and my life. We separated when it became apparent that our relationship was built on the foundation of money, I had a reasonable career in the Irish air corps, I flew for almost 15 years, the last 3 or 4 of which I drunk away 90% of my income. I was a danger to my colleagues and to myself if I'm entirely honest, and for those last couple of years I drank myself into bankruptcy. Vera hated it, she hated me, perhaps quite rightly – that's why, even during her slightly more intense moments of power crazed bitchness I still try and look after her, keep her out of the red – I know I ruined her life, and this is my recompense to her. I know what I did, I ruined any chance she had of happiness, so it's really no wonder she turned into such a bitter woman. So you see why I couldn't have started anything with you, unless you were aware of the harm I could inflict upon you, I mean that, not as a threat – but as a warning. I haven't had a drink for the last 7 years, not a drop of anything – I still struggle, I still sometimes have to try and distract myself, when my entire brain is subsumed with the thought of a drink, I walk a lot – up and down the Brecon Beacons – because it take my mind off the drink. That's not to say I don't cope … but I still have to work for what I know is right, and best. When I went tee-total it was because I had reached a cross roads in my life, and that's when I became a social worker – moved to Cardiff – and give up the drink._

_ Last night, I wanted you so much – more than you could ever possibly know, but it's been a while for me – 'a while' in every sense of the phrase. Vera and I weren't close towards the end of the relationship, and in an act of self-preservation – there hasn't been anyone since we separated. So you see my reluctance last night, I didn't want to disappoint you, I didn't want to embarrass you – and I didn't want to lie to you._

_ I realise that this is all by the by – but I wanted to get it out in the open. I wanted you to see the whole picture. If you ever want to get in touch:_

_32 Dyfryn street,  
Ferndale,  
Rhondda fach,_

_I'm sorry – again,_

_John_

* * *

"What do I do?"

"Anna – you have a man, who's obviously crazy about you, who's written you a love letter, who didn't shag your brains out –"  
"-Gwen please!"  
"Who didn't … _sleep with you_, because he wanted you to know what a dick he could be, so that you could turn him down … and you're seriously asking me what I think you should do?"  
"Yes – although I'm beginning to regret asking now!"  
"Go over there Anna, tell him you accept his apology and then - get busy with the fizzy girl! Go have… sexytimes with your impotent Irish lothario!"  
"Right, you have to stop saying sexytimes – you sound ridiculous! And he's not impotent or a lothario!" Anna stood up, leaving Gwen sat in the staffroom, her steaming mug of tea primed and ready,

"She didn't say that he wasn't hers though – did she …" said Gwen, turning to William – who had decided that by reading the back of a packet of biscuits – he could pretend he wasn't listening in.

* * *

The rain was coursing down the slope of the street, thick wide streams made their way down the pavement and the splashing gush of the overflowing gutters filled the night air. Anna pushed her soaking hair out of her eyes, the walk from the train station was a good ½ an hour – 30 minutes in which she had got soaked to the skin, her jacket saturated, her face glistened with the torrent of rain. She had changed her mind a dozen times at least, leaving the train station, on the train, when she arrived at the train station – and at least three times on her walk to Ferndale. But strangely the rain helped her decide, all she faced now if she turned back was, at the very least, forty minutes wait for the train, followed by an soaking wet hour on the train – and a very uncomfortable cycle ride home.

32 Dyfryn street, was a small innocuous terraced house, with a navy blue front door, and a boot scraper built into the brickwork beside the front step, she reached up and knocked hard on the thin pane of glass that sat at the top of the door. She thought again about going back, and turning away – but she couldn't, he had told her the truth – he didn't have to, but he had – and she owed him the same. It too a second before the hall light switched on, and Anna could just see the top of John's head in the frosted door glass.

John was, when the door went, trying to write up a new set of case notes – it was a girl who he really quite liked, she wanted to be a nurse – she had been an evil 15 year old when he had first met her, written off by many (including himself if he was honest) to a life of crime and the dole. But then, bit by bit they had worked together, and John found her to be a genuinely bright, kind, generous girl – she struggled with her collage work, but now that she was 18 she had a Btech in healthcare studies, and all that stood between her and a nursing degree was John's ability to put the best spin on her dropping out of school aged 14, getting involved in street crime, and doing time on a community youth offenders programme for punching a fellow gang member 14 times with a key between her knuckles. The only spin John could put on it was that this was her old life – that this was in no way a reflection on how she was now. And hope that the entrance examiners took that into account. The rain outside was deafening, and at first he didn't hear the front door, answering it he dreaded what he would find, at best it would be Mandy, armed with a bottle of wine and a long and horrific story about one of her cases – at worst it would be Mrs Parry from 28 wanting another in-depth discussion regarding the alleged theft of milk bottles.

What he in no way expected to find was Anna, stood on his door step, soaking wet, with water streaming down her face, running over her lips and off her jaw – her lips, John swallowed as he watched the water run over her face. She stood there, watching him back, before – without warning – leant up and kissed him on the lips, softly and slowly, giving John time to acclimatise. He paused, breaking away and looking down at her, his hands in the base of her back pulling her into him.

"Thank you for the letter."

"You read it?"

"I did, I read it, I know the facts – and I still want you John. Don't be scared – I'm not, you're not going to do anything wrong – and even if you did – it wouldn't change how I feel."

"You're sure?" She didn't answer him, but instead, stepped inside his hallway, closing the door behind her. The steady drip of water off her hair was the only sound, as the heavy wood deafened the aquatic din from the street.

"I know this is a cliché … but – we should get you out of those wet things …" Anna slowly pulled off her jacket, dropping it on to the doormat, John half bent to pick it up but she stopped him, one hand on his shoulder.

"Where's your bedroom?" she asked quietly, as though to speak to loudly would be to somehow sully the moment. He took her hand, slowly running his thumb across the back of her hand, before leading her up the stairs.  
Sat on the side of his bed, John spread his legs, allowing Anna to pull her self into his embrace, she braced her self on his shoulders and kissed him, he could still smell the damp stone smell from her walk on her face, gripping her hips in front of him, he let the feeling of her jeans sink in, the smell of her perfume, the taste of her lip-balm and the coffee she had drunk all embedding themselves in his memory.

"You are sure Anna? You do want … me?"

"I'm sure, don't doubt me John."

"I don't – I wouldn't dare." Sliding a hand up under the back of her blouse, John felt the soft skin on her back under his finger tips, he allowed the other hand to come around and meet it, making their way up under the blouse together, up to her ribcage. Reaching down to pull off her blouse, he rested his head against her exposed stomach, kissing the skin there – she smelt so clean. Anna ran a hand through his hair as he sat, his head against her. She would make him happy tonight, she had to – he was too good a man to be unhappy, looking down at what he was wearing she smiled, a fleece – she was surprised, did he always wear a fleece? Where do you even buy fleeces these days? … and why was this what she was wondering? She ran a hand down, unzipping his fleece, exposing the faded blue tee-shirt beneath, sliding her arms under his fleece she held him a moment, allowing herself a second to absorb the warmth of his body before she gently eased him back onto the bed. Laying on his back he looked into her eyes, everything inside him conflicted he wanted her, now. He didn't do primal desires (apart from red meat – and he didn't think that really counted) but she did something to him, quickened his breath, brought the hairs on the back of his neck to stand and made his pulse race, but aside from that – his brain still tried to say no, still tried to say that this would only end badly. He watched her slide the jeans off, her bra and knickers were the same as she had worn on the day of the wedding – a pale blue and white – Anna followed his gaze and smiled at him, getting onto the bed she knelt across his torso.

"I thought it seemed appropriate … first time you see me in my underwear – first time we sleep together – a sort of symmetry."

"Anna wait … I'm not sure we should … I'm not sure I …"

"Yes you are." She said at him, a smile playing on her lips as she slid backwards onto his thighs, feeling the bulge beneath his jeans, "You feel pretty sure to me … either that or you've got a lot of loose change in your pocket …!" Reaching up and pulling her down at the waist so that she lay on top of him John gently kissed her neck, her ear before reaching her lips again.

"You are a wicked woman Anna Smith."

"At the risk of sounding like a hackneyed porn star – being good is overrated!"

* * *

_**A/N - I am a total fan of the fleece, and I'm shamelessly using my incarnation of Mr Bates - to try and get the back in fashion!**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Hey people of fanfiction - hows your day going! I hope my new chapter makes it a little better, this has ended up being very dialoguey and features quite a lot of food - I must be hungry. Not a great deal happens in this chapter - it's just setting up for some Banna love in chapter 6!**_

_**Enjoy - review - be merry!**_

* * *

"How's the lasagne?"

"I concede Anna, it's very good."

"Thank you very much – I'd like to say it's an age old family recipe, but it's one my and some friend's cobbled together at university. The trick is to water everything down with water. Instead of a pint of milk, it's ¼ a pint of milk, and ¾ water and instead of tomato juice I just use water and tomato puree … and then I just whip my knickers off and sick them in too."

"Mmmm – it's very good."

"Your not listening to me at all, are you?"

"I am! … not, no – sorry Anna, I'm not being very good company am I?"

"No, not tonight – but you usually are, so if you're being distant then there must be a good reason."

"Must there? Yes – yes I suppose there is, I'm just … tired."

"Of? Is it me?"

"Jesus no! No – never think that. I'm just up to my neck with work, and … and Vera telephoned me last night, she's coming down to Cardiff, she wants to talk some things through."

"What sort of things, I thought you said you had been separated for years?"

"We have, seven years we've been apart, but not legally – we're still legally man and wife."

"Why did you never get a divorce then? I mean if you've been separated for 7 years …"

"I don't know really, I suppose that I never really wanted to push it, after putting her through so much during our marriage, and from her point of view – being Mrs Bates offers her a degree of financial security."

" …What's she like?"

"Vera? Oh … rude, controlling, bitter, manipulative, she'd disembowel her own grandmother with a tea-spoon if it would help her get ahead … but she had a cracking sense of humour when we met, Vera was always great for the craic … and a real stunner, she had guys after her every which way – I felt lucky to be married to her at first. Then I ruined her life … took everything important to her away from her and made her miserable."

"That's no excuse for being a manipulative witch!"

"You're right, it's no excuse … but it is a reason. If my job has taught me anything, it's that no-one is born good, or bad, or bitter, or cruel – shit happens in your life and it changes you and ruins you. And sometimes your lucky, and you get a few breaks in life and you get back on your feet. I try and give Vera a few good breaks to make up for all the bad shit I did – same as I do for the kids I work with … look after them and you can try and repair that damage."

"It's not all damage you did though John … you can't be guilty for ever! I'm going to bed, are you coming?"

"I'm going to finish this coffee – I'm not very tired to be honest."

"Yeah - I wasn't planning on sleeping … are you coming?"

"Oh I … umm – are you sure? I mean …"

"John! You have to stop thinking I'm forcing myself to sleep with you! I like you John, I really really do – you make me laugh, you're interesting, you're sweet – and I want to be with you! Now!"

* * *

John awoke to the smell of Anna's hair lingering on his pillow, it smelt like a mixture of lemon shower gel and the damp wood and polish smell of schools. Rolling over he inhaled the pillow deeply and glanced up at the alarm clock, 7:43am. Anna always had to leave so early when she stayed over at his during the week, usually at about 6, so that she could catch the first train back to Cardiff and into school. Through his bleary half asleep eyes he looked over at the chest of draws, Anna had commandeered a drawer a few weeks back, and he could see the twisted mass of tights and underwear, her old clothes from yesterday were folded over the back of the chair – which meant she would be coming back tonight. She was a bit odd about her dirty washing – always taking it home to wash, she only ever left it behind when she would be returning that night.

He had a meeting at 9:30 at a high school down the road; the boy's teachers were concerned and wanted John to meet him. Strictly speaking at 14 he was too young for John, but Mandy had told John that it really had to be him. She said she would drop off his file that morning, and good to her word, as John stepped out of the shower, she stepped into his kitchen, over the past 5 years she had become John's councillor, his confidante and his best friend – and as such had possession of his house key.

"Morning John, I've made coffee – did you want some?"

"Yes – thanks, you know I wish you'd give me warning when you're in the kitchen – I could have been naked!"

"It wouldn't have mattered if you were – you're sort of Asexual to me now … have you got any chocolate hobnobs in."

"Yeah - you know where they live. I might be Asexual – but it could have been Anna!"

"Oh I see – things are getting a bit regular with your little friend are they?"

"… a bit …"

"Don't be bashful John, it's odd and doesn't suit you! It's nice, I think it's sweet that you've found yourself a … lover? Girlfriend? Lady friend?"

" … Girlfriend? I don't know – what do I call her?"

"Girlfriend's good – are you two going good then?"

"I do like her Mandy, she's really funny and sweet – she makes me laugh, and I'm happy when I'm with her – I don't usually feel … happy!"

"Well try not to take that too personally shall I!" He laughed, taking the buff file from the table he began to flick through – another case that would take an hour to unravel before the grim task of his meeting with the lad.

* * *

*Hey, I'll b at urs about 6 – will u b there? X*

*Hi, no – but let ur self in – u can warm up the bed 4 me. X*

*Cheeky! I'll wait up 4 u… X*

*I'm not cheeky – it's Irish charm! X*

"Miss?"

"Jade?"

"Is the dog an echo?"

"What?"

"The dog – Candy's dog being shot … is it an echo for when George shoots Lennie at the end? Are you alright Miss – you look a bit … funny."

"I'm fine Jade. Ummm – it's a foreshadowing not an echo – but yes Candy's dog is shot to put it out of it's misery, and George kills Lennie to help him. So yes – well done Jade."

"Miss can we not watch the film again? The books boring."

"No Ben, we can't, you're not being examined on the film in a months time – you're being examined on the book! Now – unless you've got tiny writing, that doesn't look like a finished essay to me!" Said Anna, tapping a finger at the top of the boys sheet of paper, he was hard work, but still, 6 weeks and he would be out of her hair and into the big wide world. Unlike most teachers, she didn't entirely support the raising of the school leavers age to 18, where boys like Ben Jones were concerned, keeping him in school any later than 16 would be like trying to tie a wolf to a lamppost with some sewing cotton. He was already a part time attendee at best – 6 weeks and he would be off smoking on street corners and drinking special brew in the park, he would probably end up working in a leisure centre or something – he wasn't academically very strong, but he had a good business head and he had been captain of the school football team for the past two years. A nock at the door brought Anna out of her reverie, turning to the door she could see the deputy head – Mr Carson standing behind the glass.

"Miss Smith – could I steal you a moment."

"Of course – I'll just be a minute, year 11 – and keep it down – there's exams down the hallway" closing the door behind her Anna turned to Mr Carson,

"Charles?"

"Anna – this is a bit of an odd one … I wondered if I could twist your arm. I know that you said that you didn't want to invigilate this year …"

"I did – because I invigilate every damn year Charles and I said no more!"

"I know I know I know, but – Ethyl in Drama has had to take early maternity leave – and so we're a set of hands down! Now you would of course be paid … and … and why don't I let you take a long weekend?"

"A long weekend?"

"Yes – you can take this Monday off, you've only got year 7's on a Monday, I'll put you down as unwell and get William to cover your lesson, you can have a nice 3 day weekend … how does that sound?"

"Hmmm – OK! But only because I like you, if Sarah had asked it'd have been a no!"

"Anna please – as if I'd ever send Sarah O'Brian out on the charm offensive! Thanks – you're a life saver!"

* * *

John stepped through his front door, the rain from April had continued into May and he was pleased to find that his house wasn't entirely freezing, which meant Anna was home. He took off his coat and ran a hand through his dripping hair, sending water down his forehead.

"Hey – you're back!" said Anna emerging from the living room, she had changed out of her grey work trousers and navy jumper and she was curled up in a thick jumper and pyjama bottoms. She walked over and wrapped her arms around John's neck, pulling him down slightly as she kissed him. "How was your day?"

"Oh you know … angry parents – angry teenagers – and an angry Mandy after she got a brick thrown through her car window when she was in Merthyr!"

"My God – was she OK?"

"Yeah – she wasn't in the car at the time … she was in the shop buying fags." He said with a laugh. "Do I smell chips?"

"Yeah, I couldn't be arsed with cooking after the mountain of marking I did today."

"Ahh – you goddess of a woman Anna Smith! I get to come home to a sexy woman in my living room – and she brings chips with her!" Anna smiled and gave him another kiss, wrapping his arms around her he drew her into him, holding her close he ran a hand under her jumper, smiling at her as he felt the bare skin underneath, a small thrill lit inside him as he slid in the other hand to meet his first. Kissing him slowly Anna drew back from his lips,

"Your chips'll get cold!"

"Well there goes my libido! Lead me to my chips Miss Smith!"

"AH-HA!" said Anna, taking his hand and leading him into the living room, she had lit the wood burner and the woody crackling heat filled the room, the tele was on mute and the concerned characters of _Scott and Bailey _flickered across the screen.

"Ah-ha?"

"You reminded me! Charles – I told you about him …"

"Deputy head?"

"That's the one, did you want ketchup? So he came to me today, and asked me to do some invigilating come the summer, and in return I get a long weekend – Saturday through to Monday – completely free – no marking – no teaching - no nothing!"

"… well that's nice for you …"

"You don't seem very excited."

"Well … should I be?"

"Well … I thought we could go away together for a bit of a trip – maybe up to Brecon – or we could do the mumbles?"

"Yeah - that'd be lovely – I'd like that! I mean I'd have to shift some meeting about but it can be done! Oh hang on though – you weren't thinking of camping were you? Because trust me – 6 and a half feet of man is not built for tents!"

"Well … that's where Clive comes in!"

"Clive?"


	6. Chapter 6

_**This chapter I found really hard to write, so I hope it's OK - if it seems a bit clunky then I apologize!**_

_**Minor sexytimes - I'm too British to be able to write the proper stuff - so I still to my T rated stuff! **_

_**Please review and tell me what you think - it always means so much to me!**_

* * *

Clive, it transpired wasn't a man, or some kind of animal – which was John's first concern, Clive was a faded blue Ford transit van, from circa 1991. About 7 foot long behind the drivers seats, with a strange shelf construction built into the back, a thick shelf that filled the width of the van and a good portion of the 7ft space, on top of the shelf, about a foot from the floor, sat a thick mattress, that had seen better days – but in all ticked all the basics of mattress properties.

"It's a van … with a mattress in the back?"

"Don't be dim – it's Clive , Clive the party bus!"

"Anna – you know I think you're great and all … but with the best will in the world – this is no party bus – it's a van with a mattress in the back."

"Nope – it's Clive, and he's great, when I was 19 you couldn't have a party without Clive … in fact there's probably still a bottle of Thunderbird down the side of the bed if you looked!"

"… Well I'm convinced!"

"Look – when I was 18 I worked for the whole summer holiday and every Saturday in this dodgy bar in town, and I saved up and I bought him, and then when I went to university I spent almost all of my student loan on doing the bed – and the maaaaasive skylight. He's been to every beach party I've ever been to – he's put up my mates when they were dossing on sofa's – he took me to the south of France on my famous 1999 booze cruise. I'm not losing him now! Not even for you!"

"Famous 1999 booze cruise?"

"Things happened … things that shall never again be spoken of."

"Really?"

"Really – thing happened in that week that I shall take to my grave …."

"… riiiight, well that's not worrying! OK – so what are you planning on doing with … Clive the party bus."

"Drive him down to the mumbles – park him up – we get beach side views to wake up – nights under the stars – without having to pitch a tent!"

"Hmmmm – I suppose I could go with that … but Anna?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we please get some new bedding – this stuff looks like it hasn't been laundered since you were 17 …"

"It's not that bad … but yes we can!"

Anna lay on the bed, the smell of wood smoke and sea salt filled her nose, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes and turned onto her back – looking up through the skylight to see the first morning clouds that were just beginning to make their way across the pale blue sky, she could hear sea gulls in the distance and the faint lap of waves as the tide made it's way down the beach. She could see the deep green velvet of the cliff tops, mingling with the rust red and brown of the rocks along the edge in her mind. She could feel the heat and warmth of John lying beside her, pulling herself into the cocoon of the duvet Anna curled her body into John's, half asleep John reached out an under the covers, and pulled her body into his arms. This was nice she thought to herself, if only this was how one could live all the time, although, she supposed, if this was how they lived – then it wouldn't feel quite as a lovely when they did get the chance to do it. The journey from Cardiff to Swansea had been taken at 10:30, in the dark, taking the longer route along the coastline from Porthcawl, the wind coming in through the vans open windows, the chilly salty air in their lungs, and Anna and John had settled in for the night a little after midnight. The campsite was fairly empty, one or two surfers and a few elderly ex-scoutmasters, their khaki green triangular tents listing in the wind, they were told that any campfires they had were their own responsibility and if they burnt the place down then they could pay for the damage. Which seemed to make sense!

"Morning …"

"Morning - did you sleep well?"

"Fantastically – I tell you what, I could get used to all this being driven around lark."

"Yeah – well no-one but me drives Clive."

"I'll bear that in mind – you know I'm starving, what time is it?"

"Just gone 8 – are you actually hungry? Or can I persuade you to stay here in bed?"

"Well I am quite hungry … but you are quite persuasive …" he wrapped his arms tighter around her, pulling her into his chest, she could smell the smell of his body – warm and deep, like a bed that's been slept in for 10 hours straight. He never used aftershave as far as she could tell – and she liked that, she liked that when she lay against his chest she could smell him – his own smell, not the smell that someone else had decided she would like.

With Anna asleep in his arms John thought back, back to the wedding all those months ago when he had first met her, when she had come to see him in the pouring rain that night … and here they were now, lying together in there warm little bubble, away from everything and everyone else, just him and Anna. He didn't tell her how much her relished this opportunity to have her to himself, because if he did it would raise questions – raise questions that would invariably be answered with the word – Vera. Her emails and phone called had been getting more insistent – she wanted to see him, see him now, see him straight away, and however many times he tried to fob her off – she just came back with better and better reasons why they should meet. But he didn't want to burden Anna with his problems – Mandy's words rang in his mind " … She's not a pack horse …"

"Are you OK – you look a bit tense?"

"Yes – yeah I'm fine, do you want some tea - there's a kettle under the bed-frame ... and I think there should be some firelighters and stuff in a biscuit tin underneath somewhere as well..."

"Jesus - woman, what did your last slave die of?"

"Disobedience! Now go and make me a fire!" she said with a giggle, as John tutted and sighed as he pulled a tee-shirt and fleece on from the bed.  
Anna pulled the duvet a little higher, protecting her modesty.

"Anna ..." he said, pausing with the kettle in one hand. Was now was the time to talk through Vera's imminent visit with her? She poked her head up from the pillow.

"Yeah?"

"umm - no it's OK - nothing!"

"No - go on - tell me ... what is it?"

"It's just ... Vera's visit next week - I just wanted you to be prepared, she's manipulative, and the man she married is not the same man who's here now ... if I know her, she'll be prepared to tell you things about my past that were true once ... but aren't anymore. To try and turn you against me - and I don't want that."

"John - come here. No it's fine - the tea can wait! Come here." she held out an arm to him, he glanced down before taking her hand and sliding back onto the bed. "I would never turn against you based on what someone else told me - no mater who they were. You are a good man, whether you have been your whole life is irrelevant to me, it's who you are now that I care about - and that isn't going to change ..."

"And that's why I love you ... shit - I am so sorry - I didn't mean to say that out loud..."

"It's fine ... I love you too - I don't know if I'm in love with you just yet - but I do love you ..." she ran a hand along his arm and leaned into kiss him softly on the lips, she could feel his palm on her hip as he twisted her onto her back, he hovered over her, his knees either side of her thighs.

"Can you ..."

"What?" He said breaking away from her lips.

"Can you ... shut the door - it's freezing in here..."

"Anna - you're really going to have to work on your dirty talk!"

"Yeah ... sorry - but the cold was a bit of a passion killer!" John laughed, he looked at her and smiled, burying his head in her hair to kiss her shoulder, moving along her collarbone and down the center of her chest to her belly, he could feel the quickening rise and fall of her diaphragm and he could hear her breath come a little faster each time her bent down against her skin. His breath warm against her cool skin. A hand beneath his chin, she raised his head up to hers again to kiss him again, a little faster now - her kisses hot against his lips. Sliding a hand down her torso and beneath the last of the covers, John extended his fingers - he heard Anna make a quick inhale, her thighs tightening. She licked her lips, smiling at him as her breath came in sharp blasts.

"Jesus ..."

"Nope - just me!"

"Sod off - Christ ... Jesus!" John felt her hips rise a little off the mattress as she exhaled, "Here ... just ..." trying to maintain some of his dignity while wearing boxers in the back of a van - John maneuvered him self over her, settling down and guiding him self into her he straightened up - he palms against the roof. His life he knew was changing - for the better he hoped, he had a lovely gorgeous girlfriend, a lovely gorgeous girlfriend who had taking him away to have sex on a cliff in a van - life he decided - didn't get much better!


	7. Chapter 7

_**Hey - I've been bogged down with work and stuff, so sorry this has taken a while to get up, but I had some time off for my birthday so I had a few hours to finish this chapter off.**_

_**Very dialoguey - but I kinda liked that for this scene - please rate and review!**_

* * *

*Love – can u get round 2 mine for 6ish? J X*

*Course – R u going to be OK? A xx"

*Yeah yeah – as long as ur there 2 hold my hand! x*

*And soothe ur fevered brow? Xx*

*Taken as red! X*

* * *

"Well John, you didn't mention her on the phone."

"Did I not? Well that doesn't matter – you know about her now."

"So I do, so I do. Well John, you're looking well – having a younger woman as your bedfellow clearly suits you."

"It suits us both actually."

"Haha – oh I see … well?"

"Well what Vera? You called me. What are you after now?"

"Just a little of your time John … and your good name."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I need a character reference from a fine upstanding member of the community."

"What do you need my character reference for?"

"… For a simple misunderstanding, involving some money that was just _resting_ in my account… Anyway – the Gardai have the wrong idea entirely and are talking about money laundering and embezzlement, all fiction of course …"

"Of course – when wasn't it fiction Vera?"

"John! I'm telling you – the bastards made it all up!"

"Where are you living now? Still in the Dub?"

"No – it got terribly snobby there …"

"Ha – you mean the Gardai got wise to you!"

"… I moved to Co. Limerick a few years ago."

"Munster? Beautiful county – you picked well. So what's the deal with Gardai? They arrested you for fraud – why – what were you up to Vera?"

"A friend of mine was having some financial difficulties in his company, so I helped him out … I let him use my bank account just to - uhh – keep the money together you know, and then he would be moving it on to his colleague's account in the Caribbean – like I said it was just resting in my account."

"Jesus Vera – that's the biggest load of bollocks I've ever heard, even by your standards of …"

"Look John, I'm asking for a little bit of help here … I know we didn't exactly see eye to eye when we were together. But I am your wife, we were good together once, weren't we?"

" I ... OK Vera, cards on the table – you've got yourself in a mess. You want help getting out. What do you want from me? In plain English now – no arseing about."

"I need you to come up to Limerick, and give a character statement. Make out to the court that I'm a woman easily led astray – that I'm an honest woman who's been caught up in some bad stuff. I need you to get me off."

"You want me to lie in other words. Vera – that life – our life together, that was a long time ago – the time when I would do anything for you has long since passed. I'm a new man now – with new priorities."

"You mean your Anna?"

"Yes – Anna."

"She's grand John – I'll say that. Pretty little thing – I'm surprised she'd have an man like you!"

"Anna's a wonderful woman, best thing that's happened to me in god knows how many years. I'm not going to risk losing her for you Vera."

" But John … you loved my once, when I was your 'V' and you were my John – never a better couple in the whole of Co. Antrim. And I know you loved me when we separated – you said you would look after me."

"And I have! Don't twist this woman, I have looked after you, bailed you out of so many ditches, I even put clothes on your back when you came running to me last year. But I will not break the law for you, I will not risk losing Anna! Do you hear?"

"It's not breaking the law!"

"DO YOU HEAR ME!"

"I HEAR YOU! I hear you loud and clear John Bates – you think that you've paid off your debt to me – you think you can drop me now that you've found your nice new girl … well I tell you – I screwed you over once before – I'll screw you over again! I take it your Anna doesn't know why you moved down here from the Dub? No? Well – that can all change John, all change."

"You Bitch!"

"That I may be John Bates – but I'm a bitch that's going to get off, and you're going to help me, may god preserve me – I will tear you apart unless you do this for me. I will make sure that your Anna wont want anything to do with you, unless it's to tread your face into the mud, I'll lose you your job and I'll make your life a misery … we both know what I'm capable of John."

"You'll tell Anna – about the past – about everything – unless I help you out?"

"I will."

"OK – so … I guess I have no choice!"

* * *

Anna knocked on the door, the sun was out and although it was getting into evening the street was warm, front doors were open onto the street and the early summer wind was blowing down the pavement. It took a moment before John got to the door, she had a key and normally would have let herself in – but somehow she felt that now wasn't the time to barge her way in.

"Anna? Sorry I … why didn't you just come in?

"I wasn't sure if now was the time …"

"No – it's fine, can I have a hug?"

"Of course … why what's wrong?" She paused as John pulled her into him, there was something in the hug, a kind of desperation, a neediness that wasn't usually there – he clutched her into him holding her against his chest tight.

"John … what is it? What's happened?"

"Shhh – please, I just need … I just need you right now …"

"OK. That's OK." She felt his arms around her, pulling in tighter, hear the judder in his breath and he exhaled, what had happened? She wondered to herself, was this the effect Vera had on him?

"I'm so very sorry …" he said softly, burying his head in her hair, frowning – Anna lifted her head to look him in the eye.

"About what?"

"… about what I'm about to do. But you have know now – before I say anymore – that I have no choice – I never wanted you to know this about me. But … circumstances beyond my control have dictated that … I have no choice. Come through."

* * *

"7 years ago, I was on leave and one night Vera and I had a blazing row, fuming, throwing plates, slamming doors – the whole shebang. I went out and got off my face on anything I could find, and then … then I left the pub and got into my car. I shouldn't have, I mean I could barely get the key in the lock – I was … I was off my face. But … I got in, and I drove, about ½ a mile down the road … I crashed into another car that was driving towards me – they were going slowly, but I … I don't know how fast I was driving but it was fast enough … The girl in the other car died, almost instantly – when the paramedics arrived she was already gone and I had passed out on the pavement … I remember nothing about it, apart from the look on the police man's face as he breathalysed me. I am ashamed, more ashamed than you could ever know, at the time it seemed like a new start. I left Dublin and left Vera, I stopped drinking and I tried out for a new start in Wales, I am not the same man as I was when I killed that girl."

"Why … why are you telling me this now?"

"Because, Vera threatened to tell you all this if I didn't lie for her in court, I'm not the lying cheating man she married, and I don't want to be again, I thought if I told you the truth then she would have lost her hold over me … Anna?"

"Would you have told me, even if Vera hadn't have turned up?"

"At some point … I'm sure."

"But when? When would you have told me about your past? When I had married you? What about if I were carrying your child? Or taking out a mortgage with you? WHEN JOHN?"

"I don't know…"

"I can't do this – you deceived me, I really thought that you never would do that to me – I guess I was wrong. I'll see myself out."

"But Anna! … Are you coming back?"

"I don't know – I need time to think … Bye John."


	8. Chapter 8

_**Right, so here we have chapter 8, I hope it's OK for you. This is another dialogue heavy chapter, and the next one will be too, just to warn you. I know chapter 7 ended pretty hard, so I hope this one is a little bit of restbite for you all!**_

_**Enjoy and as always - please rate and review!**_

* * *

Gwen handed Anna over the mug of tea, and sat herself down on the desk opposite Anna. Curled up inside a grey fleece that she had never seen before, Gwen thought about how much her friend had changed over the last few days, she still hadn't told Gwen the reason.

"Come on Anna … tell me, it can't be that bad!"

"Oh I don't know … John moved to Wales because he killed someone …"

"Jesus! What do you mean – as in murder?"

"No no, he uhh – he was drink driving."

"When – recently?"

"No – umm – this was while he was still in the Air corps, while he was still with Vera."

"Oh OK – when he was still drinking?"

"Yup …"

"Oh OK …"

"What?"

"Well it's just that … that was a long time ago, I mean that doesn't make it OK obviously! But I mean … oh I don't know what I mean."

"No – I do … your trying to say what 's been going round my head for the last week. While the other half of my brain is going into hyper-drive telling me that this is a great big neon flashing sign that me and John shouldn't be together, I mean ... he wasn't going to tell me. I understand that people make mistakes, I understand that this was 7 years ago, and he said how much it had affected him, I understand that - I don't know if I can accept it. But I know that I can't accept that he deceived me. I thought I lo ..."

"...What?"

"Nothing."

"Riiiiight. Anna, I know I don't usually do profound."

"Go on ... shock me."

"You need to talk to John, you're in love with him, he fucked you over, you don't know if he's really the man you thought you loved. So talk to him, find out how he feels, find out ... and then you can make an informed choice."

"I'm not sure if I want to see him though ... ever!"

"It's your choice, I can't force you. But you know what I think."

* * *

"Hey John, how's my little heartbroken soldier?"

"Hey Mandy ... aww - tea, you're a mind reader!"

"No - but tea usually solves most problems. Cigarette?"

"Thanks, no, my addictions have got me into enough troubles already." Mandy sat herself down on John's desk, a foot resting on the edge of his chair. She lit up a cigarette and began to flick through one of the files on the desk. 17 year old lad, abused, battered, and just a few months from being sent out into the big wide world for the first time without a social worker to hold his hand. "Six months and he'll be doing community service."

"Mmm? Oh - Ben, no - I have faith in him, I've got him on a place in a garage to do an apprenticeship. I think he could be OK ... Jesus Mandy - what am I going to do about Anna." Looking into his eyes, Mandy knew he hated himself so much right now. He had hated himself all week, he had turned up at her front door, cold, grey and looking like a man condemned. She had sat him down, warded him off the drink she knew he was craving like never before. She had talked him through the evening and made sure he wasn't going to hit the bottle, and he had cried - cried like a child that he had lost Anna. Lost her by a stupid decision made seven years before, as a a different man.

"What _can_ you do John? You told her the truth - you explained to her, not the best way or time to do it perhaps - but you did nothing wrong. Not that she did either, but it's her business to come to terms with what you told her. If indeed she does choose to come to terms with it."

"Do you think she might not?"

"Well ... there's always a chance. But ... if she loves you, then she'll come back to you."

"If ... powerful word ... if!"

* * *

_**2 years later**_

* * *

"Hey Anna – are you in Tesco?"

"Yep … did you want red or white?"

"Anna! Come on – red wine for beef!"

"Sorry … but I prefer white …"

"Yeah – but you can't drink white wine with beef. Come on Anna, next you'll be asking for chardonnay!"

"Right sorry – I'll be home in a bit Joe."

"Ok. See you then." Anna pressed the end call button, and slipped her mobile back into her bag. She carried on browsing the wine aisle, and considered buying some white, just to annoy Joe. She liked him, or she tolerated him company and he was an excellent cook, he had filled a void since she had left John that evening 2 years previously, a void he had been desperate to fill since he had joined the English department 6 years previously. They were going steady now, and as much as she liked him – and enjoyed his company, she didn't love him, she barely felt anything for him if she was entirely honest – but he felt so much for her, even if he did put her down and laugh at her when she picked the wrong wine, or made a face at green tea.

"Anna?" Turning on the spot, to see who had called her name Anna spotted the culprit. A woman in her late 30's, her blond hair pulled back off her face in tight pony tail.

"Hello?"

"Oh you don't … umm, it's Mandy, Mandy Davies. John Bates' colleague."

"Oh of course – hello. Sorry – terrible memory for faces. How are you?"

"Oh fine fine, you?"

"Oh not too bad – I was sent out to buy wine by Joe and now I think I'm about to choose the wrong kind!"

"Ha – what's it for?"

"He's cooking tonight, beef, which apparently means red wine?"

"Well a nice Australian cabernet sauvignon always does the trick in my book … so I take it you're all settled down then?"

"Ummm – yes. Well – of a kind, it's not going to last. I think I'll have to let him put an end to it though – or it'll break his heart. How's John?"

"Still John – still sober – still working hard … still mourning you."

"Yes, I'm sorry about that. I always meant to call, but then I just … I'm sorry."

"Don't be … and … you should, should call him I mean, or better still visit him. He's a good man Anna, you won't meet another like him, he was crazy about you, and would have done anything for you. He loved you so ve … very much. And you can't just throw that away." Her voice cracked and she looked down at her trolly, inspecting her food choices for a moment before carrying on, looking into Anna's eyes she tried to hold back the tears, a lump forming in her throat. "You can't just throw that away because you've no idea how lucky you are!"

"Are you OK?"

"No – I'm not bloody OK." She laughed, wiping away a tear with the back of her sleeve. "I have loved that men everyday since I met him, and I waited and waited for him to notice me back. But after a while – it was clear that he was never going to love me back, he might love me as a friend – but he would never look at me like he looks at you … like he worshiped you, and loved you, and wanted to rip your knickers off with his teeth all in one go. I'm … I'm sorry – I need to go." She turned and headed back the way she had come, Anna stood, rooted to the spot, watching Mandy Davies walk away towards the canned good aisle.

"I'll call him …" she called after Mandy, hoping she heard, but not entirely sure that she had. She had, Mandy had heard, and knew that Anna meant it – she knew an honest person when she saw them. And if she couldn't have John, then she could at least make him happy.

* * *

_**Where too from now! We shall see - stay tuned for some happier Banna times to come.**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**Here we are - finially, sorry it's taken me so long to get this part up - but I've got exams on and work shifts coming out of my ears - so this got put on the back burner for a while. But at last - voila!**_

_**Just to warn you all, this is another (and the last - promise!) of my dialogue heavy - down in the dumps chapters - I promise that when the next chapter comes - it'll be happier - and a bit more ... merry! But thank you all very much - for persevering for so long!  
**_

_**Please review - as ever!  
**_

* * *

Anna stood at the front door, nothing had changed since she had last been here two years ago, but all the same – it wasn't quite the same. She raised a hand to knock on the door, took it back again, and then returned it ready to hard on the wooden door. The knocks were louder than she had thought, part of her almost wished that he wouldn't answer the door, but he did, she heard the slow ponderous footsteps that she knew so well. He opened the door slowly, the face that confronted her wasn't quite the one she knew however, a bruise that was still fresh and dark purple extended over his jaw, with a cut to his eyebrow.

"Anna?"

"John – Jesus, what happened to your face?" Said Anna, her feet already over the threshold, and his face in her hands, she ran a finger along his jawline feeling for breaks in the bone.

"My fa? … Oh, nothing – one of my girls threw a chair across at me when I told her off for TWOCing." He tried to laugh, but he was acutely aware about how close Anna was to him, she withdrew her hands quickly as though she sensed it too. He swallowed hard, what was she doing here? Not that it wasn't welcome … but it'd been so long since he'd seen her, she'd cut her hair a little shorter now, shoulder length and instead of the curls that she wore when they were last together it hung in softer waves, just resting on her cardigan.

"I thought that maybe it was time for us to talk …"

"You think so do you?"

"I'm sorry; I mean I know that sorry barely covers it. But … can I come in?"

"Sure – why not."

Sat in John's living room, on the sofa she had curled up on with him – a sofa they had made love on … she sat there, sipping the proffered cup of tea and tried to look John in the eye, easier said than done if she was honest. Shame radiated through her as she looked at him and saw the emptiness inside him, like a deflated balloon.

"You know I …"

"Yes?"

"I … I don't know. I feel like such a total …"

"Witch? Whore? Cow? Total and utter bitch?"

"… Yep – all of them pretty much."

"Well you shouldn't. Because you weren't."

"Stop being so nice John! I treated you like a total bitch – I should have spoken to you."

"Possibly, but I don't hold it against you."

"John Jesus – don't be so nice … and honorable!"

"I'm not – I'm being honest. You were angry with me, I deceived you – and so you didn't want me."

"It's not that simple … I was angry yes – I was upset and hurt and I didn't want to see you – but that all changed a long time ago – I would have come back to you after a month or so … except - except that it'd been too long, I couldn't come and see you without feeling like I would have to explain myself, and behaving like a child … and then I … I suppose I just got really scared of what would happen if I did come back … and things moved on and suddenly it was two years later and my Mam's talking about me getting married … and I don't want to – well at least not to Joe, and that's when I realized – how much I needed you …"

"Who's Joe?"

"He's my … sort of boyfriend I … Joe Mosley, he's been after me for years and after you I just was desperate for something … anything. He's in my department at school."  
"And do you love him?"

"He loves me very much ..."

"That's not what I asked Anna ..."

"Not even a little bit, and to be honest I barely even like him anymore - he just annoys me ... everything he does gets under my skin, his breathing - the way he puts glasses on the draining board the right way up ... who does that! And just - God it's all such a mess!"  
"It is rather isn't it ..."  
"You know - when I was younger, I thought that as 28 I would be married - with babies and a sheepdog ..."

"That could still be arranged..."

"What?"

"I still love you Anna, just as I always have, from when you walked into your living room in your underwear to when we spent the weekend in Clive. And if there is any chance that you still love me then I'll take it with both hands."  
"Things could never be the same."

"No ... but we could have something new. I still love you, I'll still look after you, and I'll still try and make you laugh!"  
"I'll have to do some things of course, speak to Joe … if we do …"

"We do what?"

"If we do decide to … make a go of things."

"Do you want to?"  
"I think more than you could ever know John. I just – I need to speak to Joe. I might not love him, but that doesn't mean I don't have to show him some respect. Can I ask though – about Vera? What happened?"

"I did as she asked, you had left – I saw no point in making my life more of a misery. I went up to the Dub and spoke in her defense. I didn't get her off of course, but I think it made some kind of difference, she didn't go to prison – suspended sentence …"

"Have you spoken to her since?"

"No point – not for her, you knew about my secretes, she had no power over me."

"Then I've done something for you at least!"

"Oh Anna – you did everything for me, the year we were together was one of the greatest of my life."

"I know – I love you, I always did. But … are we going to be able to go back to how we were, I mean really? I know stuff about you – and you know what an unfeeling bitch I can be!"

"We had to know about more about one another at some point – we couldn't have carried on together not knowing … but now that we do know – surely we can only get stronger."

"…. You're sure this is what you want John? Is there anything else I should know though – anymore skeletons in the cupboard?"

"None. No children – no crack addictions and no affairs with members of the aristocracy – I'm clean!"

"I'll speak to Joe – I'll speak to him tonight…"

* * *

Sat on Joe's sofa Anna was very aware of Joe's look of shock and pain, part of her felt a little guilty, but she had a distinct feeling of relief at the same time. She swallowed hard and placed a hand on his knee, trying to comfort him – he turned to her, staring her in the eye he took on a desperate look somewhere between a puppy about to be sent out in the rain – and a child caught with their hand in the biscuit barrel.

"Anna … I'm begging you – think again! We can make this work – is it me, is it something that I've done?"

"No it's nothing specific – it's just I think we aren't quite … I think that I'll never be what you really want, and I don't think that you're what I really want for the rest of my life … I need something else – someone else …"

"Who is he? Come on Anna – don't treat me like I'm a fool – who the hell is it?"

"It's no-one … it's just, I realized that I need more than what we've got. I need more than you calling me 'babes' in front of your mates with your hand on my arse … or feeling like I'm thick because I can't choose the right wine to go with beef – because … because, Jesus Joe, I shouldn't feel guilty for liking white wine or for crying at the Eastenders Christmas special. It's been _so_ long since I didn't have to feel guilty for being me! I like to read trashy books – I like sci-fi films – I like Lambrini – I like to wear that brown coat you hate, and I don't care if it makes me look daft because it makes me feel like Sherlock Holmes! And I've realized that I don't care if you don't like those things about me anymore – they're me, and I need someone who doesn't mind that. I'm sorry."

"But Anna …"

"No Joe – there's no buts – nothing you say right now can change this … we're over."

"Just – just tell me this one thing Anna. When you leave here tonight, where will you go? Your place or his?"

"I told you Joe, there's no-one else!"

"There's John Bates though … I could never compete – I always knew that – you're going back to him aren't you?"

"I'm … in love with him, I have been for a long time and I think I just never realized it … but – I have never cheated on you Joe – that I promise."

"You swear?"

"I swear Joe – you're a fantastic – lovely – man, but you're not the one for me, and I'm not the one for you – not really. I'll come and collect my stuff in a few days – if that's OK?"

"Of course. Good luck Anna – and thank you – for this much at least."

"You too Joe – you too!"


	10. Chapter 10

**Dear readers - some happiness at last! I hope you enjoy, and haven't minded wading through the misery to get here. More fluff and happiness to come!**

**Please review - even if you hated it - all advice is good advice!**

* * *

Anna walked down the street, wishing she had thought to wear something different, she had no idea what to wear, what were you meant to wear for a 'let's possibly get back together maybe' date type thing? She had dithered between making no effort at all – making a massive effort – and coming dressed in her work clothes to try and look nonchalant, what was protocol? She had eventually decided on her jeans to look relaxed – and her favorite green top, she had momentarily paused over a blue shift top that John had bought her as a present – but that seemed insensitive and somehow a little inappropriate.

Stood in front of his door she took a deep breath and raised a fist to knock the door, but as her knuckles came in contact with the hard wood the door moved, opened from within by a face framed with blond hair that Anna recognized as Mandy Davies's, she looked at Anna with surprise for a few seconds before giving a brief smile and flattening herself against the hall wall to allow Anna past. She never said a word, she opened her mouth as though she was about to at one moment and then swallowed hard, giving Anna the same small brief smile before she left in silence. Confused Anna let herself into the living room, and found John sat in the armchair, shaking - his head in his hands and the sounds of subsiding tears crept out from him, without really registering Anna went over to him instantly, laying a hand on his forearm.

"John? What's happened?"

"Oh Anna - I'm sorry, I had forgotten you were coming." He said, pulling himself upright and sniffing hard, "it's ... one of my lads - he came and saw me yesterday, and I didn't have time, and I had to send him on his way - and so ... so last night he commit suicide."

"What? I mean ... what?"

"Well, we don't know, I mean he just stepped out into the middle of the road - but the woman who was driving said he looked straight at her when he stepped out - the police don't think it was an accident. I should have been there Anna - I wasn't good enough - I ... should have been better."

"Shhh - don't say that - this isn't your fault. There isn't anything you could have done - even if you had spoken to him - it mightn't have changed anything ... John?"

"I need to sort this out Anna, he's got a sister - I need to ..." he paused as Anna rested a hand on the back of his neck, she bent down a little and smiled at him gently.

"Tomorrow John ... tomorrow - you're of no use to her in this state, tomorrow ..." She gave him another small smile and watched his eyes, she watched them flicking back and forth, scanning her face with a look of desperation before he reached up up and rested a hand against her cheek, running his thumb against her skin he lent up and kissed her softly on the lips. Anna felt a surge of heat as she felt his lips against hers, a feeling of love and lust and passion and comfort that she had not felt in a long time, not with Joe and not on her own - in fact not since John had last kissed her all those years ago. Pulling back from he John slipped an arm around her, pulling her in and hugging her tight. Anna felt the tight, almost desperate nature of the hug, she could feel how desperate he was for the contact - she found, to her surprise, that she felt the same - the relief as he held her tight and she relaxed into his arms. Sat on the arm of the chair, resting her head on the top of his head she kissed his forehead gently.

"I'm sorry ..." He whispered softly, barely audible.

"Why? What for?"

"I didn't mean for tonight to be like this Anna, I wanted to show you that I was ... Oh I don't know what I wanted to show you - but it wasn't this."

"John ... this is you, as you are, and that you're not afraid to show me what you're really like is what makes me know - know that you're the man for me, for ever ... I think ... "

"Weather permitting?" John laughed, Anna smiled back at him - pleased to see that he had stopped crying at least.

"Weather permitting ... if you'll have me."

"I'll have you ... I suppose I'm stuck with you now. I haven't cooked - sort of slipped my mind."

"Do you have bacon?"

"Ummm - I think so."

"Cheese?"

"Always."

"Pasta."

"On the shelf."

"Well then - pasta carbonara here we come! I'll cook ... you don't look up to the job!

* * *

Gwen sighed and drummed her fingers along the back of her mobile, checking the time on it again. She gave an awkward smile at the man sat opposite her, this was so unlike Anna ... what was going on?

"I'm terribly sorry about this Mr Evans - I hear the traffic's awful coming into Cardiff ... I'm sure Miss Smith'll be in soon."

"I have got to get into work too Miss Dawson, she's already 40 minutes late, where's she coming from?"

"Just the East side ... like I said she'll be here soon I'm sure! Aha - here we are, Miss Smith, Jack Evans' Dad's hear to speak with you ...!" Gwen caught a bedraggled Anna by the arm and steered her into a corner of the office as Anna pulled off her coat looking harassed.

"I'm so sorry Mr Evans - I'm afraid there were leaves on the line, getting a train in this morning!"

"A train? Miss Dawson said that you lived in the Eastside?"

"I ... umm ... I had a family emergency last night, I had to go up to ... ummmm - now, lets have a little chat about Jack. We, that's Miss Dawson and I have concerns about Jack's progress. I've ummm, I've spoken to Mr Mason, his form teacher and English isn't the only subject where this seems to be a concern ... as his head of year I feel that it's my duty to tell you that, if Jack carries on like this - he's not going to get his 5 GCSE's ... without at least Maths and English, Jack's going to really struggle to find employment when he leaves us in August."

"Well - what do you suggest Miss Smith, his Mam and I are at our wits ends with the boy."

"Of course - well it does occur to me that perhaps, a um - a friend of mine. He's a social worker, but he does a lot of youth work, perhaps what we need to do is to give Jack some purpose."

* * *

Gwen passed Anna a mug of tea and the pair settled in their favorite spot in the corner of the staff room, near the biscuit cupboard but away from the grinding thud of the aged photocopier, taking a sip of tea Gwen have her friend an arch eyebrow smile,

"Well," she began. "That explains a lot!"

"Yes." Replied Anna, "I think that it was a pretty successful meeting."

"Tsk!" tutted Gwen. "No - I don't mean that - I mean _'my friend who does a lot of youth work' - _can I assume that you meant John - which means that you and John are ... back together?"

"Oh - umm, sort of, well ... it's early days, it's going to take a time, before we're ... but yeah - I think things are going in the right direction."

"Good for you! I mean," She dropped her voice, as she glanced around conspiratorially. "Joe's a nice enough guy ... but he's a bit of a drip, and he wasn't the right guy for you! He was rude, and obnoxious and ... he has a really bad taste in books!"

"Oh God - you're a English teacher through and through aren't you Gwen? But you're right - he's a sweet man, but ... but he's no John Bates."

"Well - I'm happy for you Anna, you've been down in the dumps for long enough, and what ever's happened between the two of you in the past. I'm glad you've got something good."

"Yeah - he's a good man, I'm a lucky girl."

"Oh," Began Gwen, affecting nonchalance and picking an essay from her bag for marking. "Can I assume that your late arrival this morning is down to your spend the night at John's last night...?"


	11. Chapter 11

**_Riiiight - new chapter - new starts - new new new! Enjoy - and please review!_**

* * *

Anna lay in bed feeling the weight of Johns arm across her stomach, the summer weather had descended in traditional Welsh rain, and through the window at the foot of the bed she could see the coursing rivers of rain making tracks down the slate grey valley sides. She watched the image distort through the glass as the rain washed across the glass pain and she turned to look at John. She had thought he was asleep but she saw him watching her, he gave her a quiet smile and rolled her over onto her side with the arm laid across her waist. Since she had come to see him six weeks before, they had spent the majority of their nights together, in one or another of their beds. But somehow, the crucial re-consummation of their relationship had never quite happened, they had lain in each others arms, they had each wanted to, but - at the start neither wanted to push things, and then too much time had passed ... and slowly it became that neither wanted to force the others hand, however much they themselves wanted to.

"What are you staring at?" whispered Anna, looking at John over their pillows at him, in his faded Blacks tee-shirt that he liked to wear in bed with his pyjama bottoms, his hair rumpled and pushed back off his face. He smiled back at her, blinking slowly.

"You, I'm looking at you."

"Well don't, you're making me paranoid!"

"Sorry - I couldn't sleep ... are you tired?"

"Not particularly ... do you fancy a cup of tea?"

"Yeah, and I think I've got some bacon in the fridge - bacon butty?"

"Have you got any brown sauce?"

"Probably."

"Then lead me to the bacon Mr B!"

Which is how the couple came to be sitting in John's front room, bacon sandwiches in hand with their mugs of tea listening to the sound of the rain against the windows in the dark of the 3am night. Anna laid her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes, absorbing the heat off of her boyfriends skin and listening to the sounds of the night going on out side their little bubble of a house.

"Anna ... do you want to move in with me?"

"What?"

"Or I could move in with you - I just feel like -"

" - yes ... I do, want to move in with you."

"I can't tell you what a relief that is, I was worried that you weren't really interested ..."

"Why? Why would you think that? John you've got to stop thinking that I don't love you! I love you - more than you know. When I've had the day from hell at work, or it's raining half the Atlantic ocean down on South Wales, I come home to you, and I feel like nothing can go wrong and that I'm safe. Even when we argue, and I want to push your head through a television because you're being a pig headed fool - I still want to give you a hug and sit with you, which I how I know that I love you, and come what may - I want to be with you for ever."

"That means a lot to me Anna, I love you too ..." He lent in and kissed her softly on the lips, twisting in his seat to face her properly, gently resting a hands on her elbow, the other on the edge of her face, angling her towards him as she leaned into him, resting her palms against his shoulders. Pushing him gently back against the sofa arm, Anna pulled herself on top of him, straddling his waist. He felt his pulse quicken, his stomach tightened as he felt the weight of Anna on his stomach as she lent down on him, kissing him softly on his lips, she edged her way down his jaw onto his collarbone - flicking her eyes up as she rested her lips against his jaw, letting her teeth gently nip the skin, she looked into John's eyes. He could see the naughty look, glinting in her eyes, spurred on by the look in her eyes he slid a hand under her vest, pulling it up and exposing the warm skin beneath, he could feel her quickening breath under his fingertips as he pushed her up into sitting, her legs around his waist tightly she kissed him feverishly with his arms around her, her fingers in his hair, pulling him towards her.

"Wait ... lets go upstairs ..."

"What?"

"Upstairs ... come on ..."

"What - why John?"

"Because ... I've waited almost 2 months to do this with you again, to feel part of you again ... and I don't want to waste it on a sofa!"

As John pulled her into the bedroom, he pulled her up into his arms - he legs wrapped around him as he pushed her against the door, kissing her desperately - as if it were all a dream and he were scared of losing her if he couldn't feel her beneath his lips.

"Take of your top ... John, your top, take the bloody thing off!" Said Anna with a laugh as he let her down onto the bed to pull of his tee-shirt, Anna pulled him down onto her by the shoulders wrapping her hands around his head and holding a few millimeters from her face she smiled at him, the smile that broke his heart and made him want to keep her forever whenever he saw it,

"Anna ... Jesus ... pyjama bottoms off - now!"

"I'll take that as a compliment! Does this make me irresistible?" she said with a grin, pulling off the offending article from her legs.

"Utterly!"

* * *

Hearing her alarm clock start to bleep into action Anna rolled over and slapped her hand down onto the clock to put it on snooze, rolling over to face John who was sound asleep beside her, his hair messy and sleep in his eyes she thought he looked great - but then, he always did, she thought to herself. Carefully easing herself out of bed to try not to wake him, getting dressed in the bathroom - she still had to leave at an ungodly hour to get to the school by 8:00, but it was worth it. As waking up beside him this morning, and the memory of last night fresh in her mind reminded her.

In the kitchen, Anna put the kettle on to boil and slotted some bread in the toaster, try as she might to be quiet, before long she could hear sounds of life above her and the sound of John's footsteps on the staircase. He emerged at the kitchen doorway and smiled at Anna,

"Morning." she said, handing him a mug of tea.

"Morning - sleep well did you?"

"Very well - you? You look like the cat that got the cream John!"

"Well - I did! I am such a lucky man!"

"No you're not - if you were really lucky I'd be back in bed with you right now ... but as it is I've got to get off to work."

"Yes I know, you know - I meant what I said last night, about you moving in - or me moving in with you!"

"Good - because I meant it when I said yes last night. I mean obviously I'll have to pack up at home, but it's only rented so ... shouldn't present to much of a problem. I can do it this weekend if you like."

"I do ... now go on, sod off! Or you're going to be late!"

* * *

Anna yawned and stretched out her back, taking a swig of coffee and bite of cake. A weekend of boxing up her house into the back of her friend's car, and evenings of marking GCSE coursework had taken their toll,

"Hey - where did you get cake!" said an indignant looking Gwen

"Jennie Cooper in year 13 - it's her birthday so she had cake, Jesus I'm knackered!"

"Aww - your John been keeping you up has he?"

"Ha, no - it's this damn coursework, I don't think I've slept properly all week! I cannot wait until the Easter holidays!"

"You two going away anywhere?"

"No - probably not, John's snowed under at the moment. And I'm busy with this bloody coursework."

"Rock and Roll! I need a fortnight on a beach somewhere - soak up the sun - have a proper rest!"

"Sounds lovely - I'm a bit jealous!"

"Where do you fancy?"

"I don't know, somewhere hot maybe ... but then John doesn't like the heat very much."

"Clearly - he moved to Wales didn't he!"

* * *

Anna sat in their pitch black living room, the power cut had been on about 4 hours now, and as night had descended the house had got darker and darker until now at 1/2 past 9 she couldn't have seen her hand in front of her face. She sat in the dark holding her cut hand tightly as the blood congealed in her hand. She jumped as she heard the front door bang shut, she couldn't stand properly, however much she wanted to stand up and have John hold her tight and close her legs felt like jelly and her head like lead.

"Anna? Are you here?"

"Yeah ... yeah I'm in here."

She saw the beam of torch light flicker around as John found her, he - like most men who wear fleeces - had a large torch in the boot of his car. The light found her hand, filled with blood.

"Hey - what happened here? Anna?"

"It's nothing, I came of my bike on the way home ... I cut my hand up - that's all I just - I feel a bit funny."

"OK - well we need to get that cleaned up and sorted out - here look, you go into the kitchen and give it a soak." Carefully John clamped the torch between his teeth and lifting Anna up carefully at the elbows and leading her to the kitchen. He filled the sink with clean warm water and left Anna the torch. "I'm going to go and sort out some light for the living room, OK. Anna? Anna - are you alright?"

"Yes sorry - just feeling a bit funny, I came off quite quickly and I don't know - I'm just a bit shaken I suppose."

"OK, well look, just stay here and I'll find some candles and a plaster or something for your hand ..." he tailed off and looked at her, she looked exhausted - the air knocked out of her sails. He propped the torch upright on the counter and went and raided the cupboard under the stairs for some candle, he was pretty sure that he had a box of candles in there somewhere. The power cut hadn't extended up the valley to his office, and he had been out in his car all afternoon anyway, so the first he had known was when Mandy heard it on the radio and sent him a text.

* just heard on radio - local power cuts down your way - just FYI! X*

*Shit! - Thanks for letting me know. X*

He found his candles quite quickly, it was a box of 5 long ones left over from christmas a long time ago, there was also, much to his surprise - a bag of Ikea tea lights - where they had come from Christ alone knew, but he was pleased he had them. The living room filled with a flickering yellow glow of about 35 candles, he was pretty sure this was some kind of major fire hazard.

"Wow - I didn't know you were such a fan of candles!" Said Anna from behind him, a wad of kitchen roll clamped in her palm,

"Neither did I! How are you feeling, come and sit down - what happened?"

"I don't know ... I was cycling along, and then I tried to break and the road was so wet and the bike the slipped and I went flying - I think it just knocked me for six a bit ..." John held out his arms and drew her in for a hug, gently setting her down on the sofa and slipping an arm around her shoulder so that she could curl into him as he sat beside her.

"You know John - I'm so happy ..." She said with a yawn, closing her eyes and burrowing into his side - a wad of scarlet stained tissue clamped in her fist. Smiling to himself, John squeezed her tighter into him, acutely aware of how fortunate he was, he had come so close to losing her all those months ago - but here he was, with her in his arms. Luck didn't even cover it.


	12. Chapter 12

Anna poured water into her mug, inhaling the smell of instant coffee and stale water that told her that no-one had changed the water in the staffroom kettle since Friday afternoon. She winced as she picked up the mug, as the long cut along her palm came into contact with the hot mug,

"You alright Anna?"

"Yeah I'm fine, it's just this bloody hand - it's really sore!" she replied to William, holding out her hand for inspection. " I came off my bike on Friday night."

"Hmm - it looks OK, maybe it's infected - it's a bit warm ... I dunno, take it to the doctors maybe?"

"I'll see if I can get an appointment tomorrow morning. Oh God, how can I have so much marking to do?"

"Because you teach English - if you had been sensible and picked Maths like me, then you'd have bugger all marking to do!"

"Yeah - but I would then be Maths teacher ... so swings and roundabouts I guess!"

* * *

John lit up a cigarette and sat down on his bonnet of his card, he watched the young man in front of him grinding his trainers into the car park. Mandy came and sat beside him, and lit up her own cigarette.

"How's it going with Luke?" She asked, John shrugged lightly and made a face at her.

"Oh you know - pretty rubbishly! I'll have to leave at 3 to go and pick my Mam up from Bristol, so can I send Luke up to your office if I'm not done by then?"

"Of course ... but I'm not sure what you think I can do that you haven't managed."

"Oh I don't know, your feminine wiles?"

"Hmmm - I'll take that as a compliment ... I think! Is Anna all ready to meet the inlaws?"

"I think so, she says she's excited. It'll be nice to have the two women in my life round the one table!" Crushing out her cigarette, Mandy arched an eyebrow at him and turned towards him.

"I'll try not to take that personally - shall I?... You know John, Anna's a lucky girl ..."

"Is she?" Replied John, surprised,

"Yeah ... well ... it's not many men who put their girlfriends on par with their mothers!"

"Yeah ... I guess ..." he said - although he felt like that wasn't what she had intended to say, he opened his mouth to say something else but she interrupted him.

"I'm ... I'm thinking about moving on. To the city - Cardiff needs social workers too!"

"But why - I thought you liked it here?"

"Yeah, yeah I did, I do - it's just, I feel like there's nothing much for me here anymore ..."

"But - what's changed?"

"Oh I don't know ... you maybe! Now that you're getting all settled down and ... couply with Anna. Well it's just me left - divorced, single, a job that has taken over my life - and my best friend's gone and gotten himself in love ... if I"m going to stay sane - I'm going to have to stretch my legs."

"This is about me and Anna?"

"NO! Christ no - no it's about me, you two settling down just makes me feel a bit ... I don't know - homeless? Before long you two'll be busy making babies and going to nursery and looking at highschools and then universities - and then planning their weddings ... and I don't want to be sad Aunty Mandy - sat alone in the corner, single and getting pissed on as much cheap champagne as I can stomach at your children's weddings John!"

"... You've really given this some thought haven't you ..."

"Too much?"

"Yup ..."

* * *

*crazy day! just picked Mam up - we'll be about hour 1/2 Jxxx*

*food's in oven - i've washed behind my ears - love you A x*

*don't say that - not until you've met Mam - make up ur mind afterwards! Jxxx*

Anna smiled at the text, she was nervous, she didn't want John's mother to think that she was some kind of: a) bunny boiler, b) sex crazed beast, c) money grabbing bitch, or d) unsuitable. And it was that last one that she was most worried about, she had spent hours looking though the wardrobe, she had picked out a top and skirt, then switched to a dress, and then gone back to the top and skirt, changed the skirt, changed the top and eventually in a panic of clothes doubts she had opted for a pair of jeans and a blue jumper. Surely no-one could object to a blue jumper ... could they? Her hair had been straightened, then curled, and then she had washed it for a second time and decided to just blow dry it and tie it back, and the pile of face wipes in the bin told her how many times she had re-applied her makeup.

"Jesus - jesus - jesus - jesus - bollocks and ARSE!" She shouted into a pillow on the bed, "ARSE ARSE ARSE ARSEING WANK! ... and breath Anna - breath - she will like you, she will not think you are a total mentalist, she will not think that you're a weird son stealing maniac - she will like you! But only if you stop talking to yourself!" she said to herself. "Oh Jesus - I've lost the plot! Right - peas - go and cook some peas ... and for the love of God, stop talking to yourself!"

Walking into the kitchen to switch on the pan of cold water, Anna heard the sound of John's car pulling up in the street, the sound of a key in the lock and John's voice in the hallway.

"Anna love?"

"Kitchen -" She waited for him to shut the door before carrying on, "-is she OK?"

"Yeah yeah - she's just packing up her hand bag - Christ alone knows hows, but it looks like she's got half the contence of her handbag around that car! You OK?"

"Yeah - bit nervous - bit worried."

"Don't worry! She'll love you!" he said, bending down to give her a kiss on the lips.

"I've been talking to myself ... is that worrying?"

"Very - but I'll still love you - even when they cart you away to Bedlam!"

"Aww - and I'll still love you - when they're carting you off to the nursing home - old man!" He gave her another kiss and the couple made their way to the car, John's mother was sat in the passenger side seat, her legs dangling down, not quite reaching the pavement, and her white hair back off her face, coiled back in a low bun.

"John, come and help me up - it'll be nice to feel solid ground beneath my feet again! I do hate flying ... and you must be Anna?"

"I am ..." Said Anna walking slowly across to the car, the elderly woman took a second to take her in, Anna watched the woman's dark beady eyes scan over her before she smiled,

"So you are, I'm Eleanor, John's Mammy ... and I can see why he fell for you. isn't she pretty John?"

"I thought so yes!" replied John with a sly smile at Anna. "Why don't you two go in - I'll get your cases Mam." Eleanor Bates patted her son on the shoulder gently and took Anna's arm into the house.

"I must say Anna, you look very well - very well indeed."

"Do I? Well thank you. Come in, would you like a cup of tea?"

"Aye - that'd be grand. I'll help -"

"-oh there's no need!"

"I insist Anna, now don't argue!" She shot Anna a warning glance, and followed her into the kitchen, sat herself down on a chair and proceeded to watch Anna make the tea. Anna felt the elderly woman's eyes boring into her back, she turned and gave her a nervous smile.

"I'm sorry - I don't mean to stare, it's just your so ... so different from what I was expecting. I mean you're younger than I was expecting I must admit ... how old are you - if you don't mind me asking!"

"I'm 30 ... I know that John's 46, so it's a bit of an age gap. But it doesn't bother us ..."

"No of course not! And nor should it - I just wasn't expecting it. Now - John says you're a teacher, of English?"

"Yes, I teach high school children, they're a bit of a handful - but I enjoy it."

"That's good, we should each enjoy our lives. I know that John's been far happier since he's been with you, he calls me most days - and I can always tell when he's seen you before he calls."

"Really?"

"Oh yes - it's like he's 20 again, full of love - full of life - and when he talks about you, well, I can tell how much he loves you from 500 miles away, I can hear it in his voice!"

* * *

Anna looked at her bedside clock, 5:57, 3 more minutes and the sounds of the_ Jagger and Woody breakfast show_ would begin to pour out of it, with their jingles designed to wake up their listeners, their incessant Welsh chatter, and the endless 80's hits to get the people of Wales up and out of bed. She rolled over and curled round the curve of John's back, he wriggled a little and lifted a hand to rub her arm. He sniffed groggily,

"Morning - what time is it?"

"Almost 6."

"Then why are you waking me up, cruel woman."

"I didn't mean to - sorry. I've got to get up, do you want some tea?"

"Mmmm - lovely. I should get up too, Mam's an early riser - and if I don't go and see to her she'll only start cleaning!" he turned over and gave Anna a quick kiss on the lips before the couple got up and dressed. Anna made her way to the kitchen and flicked on the kettle, picking up her mobile she scrolled through the phone-book before she found the number she wanted.

"Oh hiya, I was wondering if I could get an appointment with Dr Hughes ... early as possible if you can ... yep ... Anna Smith ... oh well I'll be registered as living at 13b Cameron street, Splott ... yes ... but I've moved house now - to umm 32 ... Dyfryn street ... Ferndale, Rhondda Fach ... yeah, OK 8:30 - fantastic. OK Bye."

"Any thing serious Dear?" Said a voice from behind Anna, making her jump, she turned to see Eleanor standing behind her, smiling quietly.

"You made me jump, no - I came off my bike last week, cut my hand up - see there? And I think maybe it's a bit infected, I was worried ... thought I might try and get some antibiotics or something." John's mother carefully took Anna's hand in her own, and traced her finger along the cut carefully.

"Ahh - it's not too bad, but best get it checked out ... better safe than sorry!"

* * *

"John? John?"

"Anna? Hey love - kitchen ..."

"Hi ... umm ... is your Mam about?"

"No, she's gone round to Mrs Parry's at 28, something about Mrs Parry's recipe for Damson Gin ... why'd you ask?"

"Umm, so I went to the doctors today, to look at my hand- "

" -Is it infected?"

"What? No no, the hand's fine, she thinks it's just got some grit in it ... it's just a bit irritated. But ummm ... do you want to sit down?"

"No .. do you?"

"Yes please ... the Doctor, Dr Hughes, she says I'm pregnant. We're having a baby John ..."

"What? A baby? You're having our baby? Jesus - this is - my God - fantastic! Brilliant!"

"I can't believe it - I made her do three tests!" Anna slipped her hands around John's waist, and drew him in tightly. "And it's true - we're going to be parents!"


	13. Chapter 13

**The first line in this (Anna's little bit) is especially for _pekunoble_ who wanted to know how the doctor knew that Anna was pregnant by looking at her hand!**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter, I had real trouble writing the last one and this one - I knew where I was going, it's just the getting there that's a bit tricky - so this and the previous chapter was origionally one chapter that I split into two because I was getting annoyed with it languishing on my computer, unfinished! But I hope you enjoy it regardless!**

**Please review - it's always so nice to read what you think! Enjoy!**

* * *

"I went in and I spoke to her about my hand, and she asked me how I was feeling in my self ... and I said I had been feeling a bit out of sorts. And she asked if their was a chance that I my be pregnant. I said I didn't think so ... so she gave me a test ... you know, it's surprisingly hard to wee on a stick - it requires quite a lot of aim -"

"I imagine so! And it was positive?"

"Yeah ... all three were positive - so I guess I'm REALLY pregnant!"

"So … what's the plan?"

"Well I've heard that a pregnancy can often result in a child, so I thought I would probably just have a baby – raise a child, our child!"

"You're sure then? I mean that …"

"Oh shut your face! I'm having our baby John! Our baby … if I didn't want to have your child then I wouldn't be here John, I know things aren't ideal – what with Vera and everything …"

"I can't marry you, you mean."

"A marriage isn't the same as a wedding John, we can't have a wedding – we can't legally marry. But I made my vows a long time ago John, for better and for worse, I'm yours!"

"You're fantastic, do you know that?"

"I've heard rumors …"

"And beautiful!"  
"I'll remind you of that when I look like a hippo with ankles the size of breeze blocks. As lovely as this conversation is, there's a sticking point – your Mam. Not that she's a sticking point of course … but do we you tell your Mam?"

"Do you tell his Mam what?" Said a voice from behind them, the couple spun on their heels to face the voice, it was Eleanor Bates, stood in the doorway – having snuck in behind them with a kind ninja cat like stealth – she looked foreboding to say the least. Anna swallowed hard, losing any kind of confidence and reached for John's hand, he glanced back at her,

"Well you see Mam," he began. "Anna … Anna and I …"

"We!" Interrupted Anna, seeing him flailing and coming to his rescue. "We are having a baby … I'm pregnant."

"Well I know that – is that all – oh good you had me worried there. Would anyone like a cup of tea?"

"What? What do you mean you knew? Anna only just found out herself …"

"Oh really John, once you've been living for 71 years you learn how to spot a thing like that! Goodness me yes – I spotted it a mile off, how far gone are you – 6 weeks?"

"Yes – have you considered selling your services in Boots, you'd make a fortune!

* * *

Anna sat down in her classroom, the rhythmic lull of the film soundtrack filled the room, she had firmly given up on actively teaching the children. It was a fortnight until the summer holidays and barely half her class was on, so she settled for letting them watch a pirate copy of Oranges are not the Only fruit - it had enough sex and random shots of the Lancashire moors to keep them quiet. She fiddled with her phone, texting John, he was shooting around the valleys all day, with at least a dozen different meetings going on around and about, but he texted whenever he had 5 minutes to spare. The phone vibrated in her hand.

*Hi Mam wants to go out for our tea - what do you fancy? I'll book a table Jxx*

*Hi Smexy - Anything, not fussed - as long as I can have some pork - I really fancy some pork! Axx*

*Pork? Really? Also - smexy? Jxx*

*The kids say it - smart + sexy = smexy! You're going to have to get down with the kids soon! Axx*

*if you're not good - I'll lock you under the stairs - you're going to have to get used to being the little wife soon Woman! Jxx*

*Then I'll have an affair! Axx*

*Good - never liked you much anyway! Jxx*

*Then we're agreed! I'll go and marry a rich man - and you can find a submissive sex slave! Axx*

*You read my mind! How very 50 shades of grey we are! Jxx*

*Pervert. Where are we going for tea? Axx*

*Indian, no pork, but my Mam doesn't do Chinese or Italian so - bit limited. Kismet: 6:30? Jxx*

*See you then! Love you Axx*

Anna sent the last text with a smile before closing her phone and casting an eye around her classroom of 16 year olds, and she smiled - for a moment thinking about her unborn child, who would one day be one of the lolling teenagers sat at their desks, phones hidden under the desks, chewing gum and fiddling with the zips on their waterproofs. The bell rang and the clutch of student raced for the door. It was 12:10 - dinner time, she knew that on the last day of term the canteen had a bit of a free for all, in a last ditch attempt to get rid of all the left over supplies before the 6 week summer holidays, so portion sizes doubled, almost everyone went away with two drinks and there was always the mysterious curry that was filled with every vegetable left in the kitchen - regardless of how well they went together. So, come the last day there was always a mad rush to get to the canteen early and bag the best deals from the dinner ladies.

"Hey you lot! Bye then ...!"

"Oh right!" "Sorry Miss." "Bye then Miss!" Came the chorus of replies, with varying levels of genuine emotion in them, from those who couldn't give a damn to those who seemed genuinely sorry to be leaving.

"Have a good summer you guys, and stay safe - I know what you lot are like!" She smiled as she waved them off, watching them ram their way down the corridor, packing up her bag, ready to make her way down to the canteen for her last lunch time duty of the year she felt the dark shadow of Charles Carson in her doorway.

"Anna, how are you?"

"Oh fine fine, you?"

"Not too bad, and you should be better than fine ... I hear a congratulations are in order!"

"Ahh, Sarah O'Brien never could keep a secret! Thank you, we're very happy, but it's early days - so mum's the word."

"Of course, of course, but I wonder, have you given any thought to maternity leave, you know that you're entitled to 52 weeks?"

"I am?"

"Yes, 26 of Ordinary Maternity Leave, and then a further 26 weeks of Additional Maternity Leave. There'll be a bit of messing about with wages ... but it'll all work itself out I'm sure. We'll need to know 15 weeks before you intend to take it, so you can call me during the summer and I'll sort something out. But like I said - congratulations - enjoy it - you'll be a wonderful mother!"

* * *

Anna got to the restaurant late, and found John sat at a table in the corner, going over she gave him as kiss and a quick hug.

"Sorry I'm late, where's your Mam?"

"Toilet - how was your day?"

"Oh you know, crazy and long. Are you OK, you look a bit ... perturbed!"

"Yeah I'm fine, just ... I spoke to Mandy today, and told her the news -"

"-John, we're not meant to tell people until I'm 3 months gone!"

"-I know I know, but I was excited and she's my best friend! But when I told her she just seemed really ... I don't know. Funny about it."

"... Oh?"

"What?"

"What?"

"What was that _... Oh?_ for?"

"Nothing ... it's just. Well ... I mean, do you really not know?"

"Know what?"

"Jesus you really are slow aren't you! Mandy's in love with you."

"What, no she isn't!"

"Yes she is John, she told me once. So I imagine that it's pretty rubbish for her having us all happy and in love and making babies."

"Wow - I had no idea ... I feel like a real knob now - and if I'm honest, a bit of a stud!"

"Insensitive bugger!"

"Yeah, but you know ... that seems to have worked out pretty well for me! Sorry sorry, I'll be good!"

"Yeah - you try that. Oh by the way, if we have a boy - we're not calling him Charlie."

"Oh, theory behind your decision."

"The child will become the devil incarnate, I've taught 3 different Charlies, all evil little sods, so there must be something about that name!"

"OK, in that case same goes for Shannon if she's a girl!"


	14. Chapter 14

**_First off apologies - this has taken so long to do, I've been on holiday - I've been crazy busy - I've been ill - but finally, here is the next chapter!_**

**_Enjoy it - and as always please review, I love to hear what you guys think!_**

**_xx_**

* * *

John lit a cigarette, put it out, took a sip of his now cold tea, clicked his pen and tried to write his notes, unclicked the pen and put it down, picked it back up and re-clicked it and let it hover over the end of his last sentence: _Clair is making great progress in her anger management course …._ There was more to be written but the words just wouldn't come. Carefully removing his glasses he rubbed his eyes wearily and in a moment he suddenly stood up and drunk the last of his cold tea in one long swig he strode purposefully out of his office, if he paused he knew that he would ever be able to do it. He knocked on the door opposite his office, the name plate read _Mandy Davies_ – his hand almost stopped before he could knock but something inside him ploughed on and he rapped the door twice, two pairs in quick succession – his and Mandy's secret knock that told one another who was at the door, a secret sign that meant that they wouldn't have to hide their ashtrays or close away their private files from the straying eyes of their teenage subjects. He opened the door cautiously and leant in.

"Mands … can I have a word."

"Of course – I'm not busy much, you OK?"

"Yeah … yeah …"

"No you're not, what's up doc?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"And you'll answer me honestly?"

"Of course, why what's this about?"

"I spoke to Anna on the weekend, about you … about you moving on, about why you've been funny with me since I told you about Anna and the baby … and Anna said, and it's stupid really, I mean it's daft, but she said that it was because you … I don't know … maybe had some kind of … I don't know, some kind of feeling towards me…" There was an awkward pause between the two of them, which was broken by Mandy's loud barking laugh.

"What?! Oh that's mad … she's clearly got the wrong end of the stick! What did she say?"

"That you told her, that you spoke to her when she and I were separated … and that -"

"- John I promise you, this is Anna getting the wrong end of the stick or something. I'm very fond of you but I'm not in love with you! I'll be honest I am upset by the two of you settling down together, but not … not because I harbour feelings of my own for you, but because it's something I've never managed … I've really left it too late to settle down and have babies and do the whole 2.4 children thing. I'm 38 John, my boat sailed a while back, and I suppose that was fine when I thought you were here to enjoy badly behaved spinsterhood with me … but now … now things are changing John, and I'm not sure I want to stay around and watch them change and be … be different, for you, for me, for us!"

* * *

"John, there you are! Are you ready to go to the hospital?"

"What?"

"The scan … you forgot didn't you?"

"The … no I didn't forget I just …"

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing – it's just, why did you tell me that stuff about Mandy?"

"Because you were upset that she was being funny about us, and about you two."

"Yeah but it's not true Anna, I spoke to her today – you're wrong."

"… what? No I'm not, she told me herself … I'm not lying John!"

"No, I didn't say you were, but why would you tell me that Anna, I mean Mandy's my best friend!"

"I know - I wasn't trying to cause some kind of a rift! I'm not a bunnyboiler - Jesus John!"

"Oh come on Anna - what the hell, that's not what I said. Don't twist what I'm saying - it's just - you clearly got the wrong end of the stick with Mandy, and it's making stuff awkward between us, and I'm pissed off - I love you but I care allot about Mandy too - and I don't appreciate what you've done!"

"Christ - come on John, this is crazy - I've done nothing, it's not my fault if she's hell bent on making me look like a manipulative mad woman"

"She's not hell bent on making you look like anything - get a grip Anna, you're a grown woman - don't behave like a silly little teenage girl."

"Oh shut up John, Jesus - what the hell is this? I thought we were a couple, that means supporting one another when we tell each other things, not ... oh do you know what, I haven't got time for this, I'm going for the scan."

"Hang on, don't just storm off - I'm coming with you, I just wanted to get this sorted!"

"Oh forget it!"

"What?"

"Don't bother coming." And with that Anna picked up her coat and stormed out of the front door,

"Anna! Anna wait!" he got to the front door in time to see her get into the car, he reached for the passenger side door and bent down to look at her. over the seat. "Anna please wait..."

"What for?"

"I ... I want to talk to you, don't just run off."

"Shut the door please."

"What?"

"Shut the door, I'm going to drive away now. And I want you to shut the car door, I have an appointment to keep at the hospital ..."

"Anna ... don't shut me out. I want to come with you! To see our baby ... together."

"Please John ... go away ... I don't want to talk to you now ... go and see Mandy." She turned to look at him, "I'm not stirring John ... but if you don't believe me ... then what's the point!"

* * *

John swore loudly, leaning against the wall of the house, the night had closed in since his walk up the hill, the rain had started as he had descended into the village and he was covered in mud and a considerable amount of leaf mould after he had slipped down one particularly precarious section of his was scrapping the worst of the mud off his boots on the door step, which it didn't seem very willing to do, when Anna opened the front door, suddenly, making him jump and he over balanced into her arms.

"Oh _shit_, sorry!"

"Christ, are you alright?" She asked as she righted him back onto the front step, taking his boot from his hand and holding his arm - supporting him as he removed the other boot she gave him a shy smile. "Sorry about earlier ... just - just so you know I didn't go to the hospital." John passed her his other boot and stepped into the house out of the dark drizzle.

"Really?" She could hear the hopeful strains in his voice and she smiled a reassuring smile, placing a hand on his arm.

"I got about half an hour down the road and I felt like such a cow, I couldn't seriously deny you the chance to see the baby ... our baby, and I knew that I couldn't seriously come home and tell you all about what I had seen and know that I had stopped you seeing it. I came home but you had already gone out."

"I went for a walk yes ..."

"So I rang the hospital ... we'll have to wait 10 days, but they've given me a new appointment. That we can go to together ... I'm sorry John."

"No it's fine, I came home all pissed off and confused, I'm sorry."

"Well - how about we're both sorry?!" Anna said with a smile, she ran an hand further up his arm. "You're soaked! Go on upstairs - get changed or you'll catch pneumonia!"

"Highly unlikely - the deluge started as I made my way home." Handing Anna his raincoat which she hung over the bedroom radiator, John laughed to himself pulling his fleece over his head.

"What?"

"I was just thinking ... do you remember that night when you came round - the first night! It was raining then ..."

"Yes it was ... almost 5 years ago now ... minus the blip!"

"Minus the blip yes ... and you were wearing those blue knickers with the white lace ... the same as that first time I saw you. Standing in Hannah and Martin's house - looking for your tights if memory serves!"

"Oh God - yes I was ... d'you know - I think, in retrospect I was always destined to be with you - that first time I saw you I thought you were ... lovely, even though you weren't my type, I was taken with you so ... instantly."

"Chemistry ... hey, come here." John took her hand, pulling her forward and into his arms, he gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead and held her tight. "That's probably one of the nicest things anyone's ever said to me ... thank you for not going to the hospital. It means a lot to me."

"You're welcome."

* * *

John stared at the little picture - the baby looked definitely baby shaped, abite like ET, but still definitely a baby, with a head shaped bump and thin stick like arms that sat in little right angles, he smiled at the little alien structure that was sat inside Anna right now, he looked at the picture every day - even though by now it was a little out of date and 5 weeks old, he knew that their baby probably looked allot less like something from a 50's B movie, and more like a person - but he liked the little picture, it made him feel like a father, a feeling that he would have to get used to. But for now at least he was enjoying the feeling of utter bemusement, terror and joy. His mobile on the desk beeped for a text:

*Just felt the Seamonkey move! A xx*

he tried to compose a reply text but nothing seemed entirely fitting - how does one reply to the news that their unborn child had moved for the first time, he wanted to rush home and be with Anna, but he knew that she was writing GCSE packs for the new term, and all he could do was sit in the house and stare at Anna's bump in wonder, which would be helpful to neither of them. So instead he rang her, waiting what seemed like an age for her to pick up the landline.

"Hello?"

"Anna, hey ... I got your text!"

"John! It was amazing - like a ... bubbly fluttery feeling!"

"A _buttery_ feeling?"

"One day your portmanteaus will get you in trouble - I'm not sure I like being described as buttery!"

"A ... _flubbly_ feeling then!?"

"Flubbly! Yes - a flubbly feeling! Listen - I have to go, I've got to try and make a year studying Grapes of Wrath sound attractive to some 15 year olds in this worksheet."

"Yes - and I've got try and make a 17 year old boy see the light!"

"Have you tried physical violence and threats?"

"I leave that up to Mandy."

"How is she? Mandy I mean ..."

"Ummm - quiet. I don't know to be honest - quiet ..."

"Ok then - well what time'll you be home?"

"Not sure, why?"

"Oh just so I've got time to hide my massive case of heroin and get all the prostitutes out of the house."

"Oh well if there's heroin and prostitutes in the house then I'll be home right away! Probably about 6."

"Ok - I'll cook. Meatballs OK?"

"Meatballs are perfectly acceptable Miss Smith."

"Excellent Mr Bates! See you." John swung his chair round to put his phone down and was faced with the sight of Mandy stood in his office door way, a smile playing on her lips.

"Mands, hey - how are you?"

"I'm good, I take it that was Anna keeping the heroin and prostitutes warm for you?"

"Ahh - she's a grand girl - knows how to make me happy!" He said with a laugh,

"I'm just came in because I'm off..."

"Off home?"

"No no, off for good - I'm leaving ..."

" What! Since when?"

"Oh it's been in the pipeline for a while, so I just came in for a farewell cigarette - for old times sake."

"Of course, but I'm sorry but I'm in the process of giving up."

"How's that going for you?"

"A month without a sniff of a fag! But after 35 years of smoking it's not easy - but don't let me stop you, have a seat."

"Thank you, but I was going to have to bum a fag off you, I'm all out."

"It's OK - I have a packet ... somewhere ... here it is. Don't give me that look, I would lose serious street cred with my kids if they knew I was going over to the dark side, so I stick a packet on my desk when I'm doing an interview."

".. Because that's not odd at all - thanks." she laughed as she held her lighter to the tip and inhaled,

"So where are you off to." he asked.

"Only Swansea ... so I'll still be near by, it's not quite Angola but it'll do for now. I wanted to talk to you - to make things right between us."

"I didn't know they weren't ..."

"Don't lie, it's a filthy habit! What Anna said to you, ages ago - about me ... me and you. I told you it was a lie, and that's not true. I did love you - hell I wanted to throw you over a desk and have my wicked way with you for about 7 years. But that's not how it is now, I still love you yes, and if you had never met Anna, if we were ... if we were still as we were 8 years ago. Bitter and alone - "

"Speak for your self woman!"

" - if that were still the case, then ... then maybe I'd feel differently. But I came to accept that you weren't interested, and when you met Anna ... I could see what you needed. So I am contented to be your friend, I do love you, but I'm not in love with you - not anymore at least!"

"I admire your honesty ... thank you."

"You're welcome.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Hi everyone - welcome to the last instalment in my little story, it's been one hell of a long time in the making - and I'm still not 100% happy with it. But I think this is as good as it's going to get. I've really enjoyed this story and I hope you have too!**_

_**As always please review - let me know what you think and whether you've enjoyed it!**_

_**Thanks for reading.**_

* * *

John sat down in his car wearily, after a day of house calls he was exhausted. His least favourite part of his job was house calls, his job felt futile when he saw some of the families his kids came from, what hope did they have when they were stuck in families that resented them, raising them without any sense of purpose. However little he could offer his child he could at least give them a loving home and support – he hoped. Hearing a tinny ringing coming from the glove-box, he reached in and grabbed his work phone, an ancient Nokia that was flashing to tell him that not only was Mandy ringing him but that he had 8 missed calls.

"Hey Mands."

"John – where the hell have you been?!"

"What?"

"And why is phone off?!"

"I was on house calls, and I left my work phone in the car … why?"

"Oh Jesus John, it's Anna, she's gone into labour, she's been calling you for hours, she rang me to call your work phone because they wouldn't let her leave the maternity ward! You know half of Ferndale's out looking for your sorry arse!"

"Shit! But it's too early – she's not due for another 3 weeks!"

"Oh well – tell the bloody baby that John! Look, get down to Heath Hospital – like 3 hours ago! Anna needs you John!"

"Right … thanks Mands!" John rung off and threw the phone down on the passenger side seat and revved up the car, speeding off down the road out of Rhondda and over towards Pontypridd. He hit 90 miles per hour as he pulled onto the A road, at 4pm on a Wednesday it was fairly quiet, but not apparently quiet enough for the Welsh constabulary to not be lurking on the hard shoulder. He was pulled over doing 90 in a 40 zone, this, he quickly concluded, was not going to be solved by switching on the Irish charm. The PC sidled up to the car, and John wound down his window to be faced by the surprised face of PC Bill Jones, and old friend from John's many hours spent down the police station dealing with one of his wayward kids.

"Hey John, what's up – what are you running from?"

"Not from Bill … to. Anna's gone into labour and I need to get to Heath hospital – now!"

"Jesus mate – just a minute! Hey Jack!" He called back to the panda car behind him, "Hey Jack, have we got any calls on? No? OK John," he said giving John a quick toothy grin. "looks like you've got yourself a police escort! Hold onto your crown jewels because we're going to hit the hundreds … stick close behind us eh!"

Making a quick jog back to the panda, Bill swung into his passenger seat as the car pulled out, switched on it's siren and sped off in front of John, his rattily old car struggled to maintain the pace of the police car in front of him. Down into Cardiff, speeding their way through the suburbs until they reached the roundabout at the entrance of the hospital, cars pulled out of John's way as he sped along the road with his escorts in their flashing blue car. Pulling up outside the entrance John rolled down his window and called across to Bill and Jack.

"Thanks lads, I owe you two a drink!"

"Don't mention it John, but hey – send us a picture of the baby yeah, the Mrs'll love that!"

"Alright boys!" Parking up quickly John jumped out and ran into the main building, searching everywhere for that golden sign that would direct him to the maternity ward. Running along the lino corridors John finally found the right ward, ringing the intercom until a cool calm voice answered.

"Hi yeah, it's John Bates, my Girlfriend Anna Smith came in … she's having a baby!"

"Women usually are in here … come in." The door buzzed and John pulled the door and ran into the room, after a quick chat with the midwife he was shown along the corridor to a room marked: _Delivery room 6 : OCCUPIED_ with Anna's name stuck in the small plastic window beside the door.

"Just to warn you John … Anna's a bit … stressed, women say things they don't mean when they're in labour."

"Riiiight." Pushing the door open he saw Anna laying on the bed, looking a strange mixture of hot, cross and tired, a look he hadn't seen since she had tried make a Christmas cake. "Hey Anna. I'm so so sorry."

"John Bates, I hate you – and if you come another step closer I'll castrate you with my bare hands!"

"I know I know, and I would deserve it! But I am so sorry, I was on house calls …"

"… John I don't give a shit if you were slaying a frigging dragon. I needed you!"

"I know … do you want me to give you some time?!"

"No! No, I'm sorry don't go, please don't go – I need you!" She reached out for his hand, he took hold of her sweaty palm and gave her hand a squeeze. A harassed looking midwife appeared from between Anna's legs,

"OK Anna love, I need you to stop pushing … I know you're tired but we're almost there OK, so I need you to stop pushing … OK?"

"OK"

"Now, I want you to take a nice deep breath and pant for me."

"Pant?!"

"Yes Sir … pant, it helps stop the need for an episiotomy."

"A what?"

"Trust me John … you don't want to know! OK … pant … I can pant … can't I John?"

"I don't know … but I imagine you could – lets give a whirl!"

* * *

The midwife lifted the baby onto Anna's chest, her tiny mouth opening up to cry out, her matchbox sized fist opening and closing, John slipped a finger into her palm, and she clamped her fingers around it.

"She's so small …" Was all that John could bring himself to say, he could feel tears welling inside him as he felt a lump rise in his throat, he tried to swallow them back down but the bubbled up to the surface and spilled out. The midwife gently touched his arm and handed him a tissue with a small smile.

"It's OK, lots of new dads get a bit emotional. Now have you got a name for your little girl?"

"Anna? You liked Poppy …"

"No – she doesn't look like a Poppy to me, any idea's?"

"Well," Said the midwife, "I'll just put down _'Baby Bates' _on the label, or are you using Smith?"

"Umm, no no, Bates is fine thanks." replied Anna. "What do you think John, what should we call her?"

"I don't know … Sarah? Lucy? Bridget? Siobhan?"

"No they're not quite right … Caitlyn?"

"Kate?"

"Katie!"

"Oh yeah – I like Katie. She's Katie Bates!" Said John with a smile, carefully stroking his baby daughters soft forehead who was blinking confusedly at her surroundings. She reached out a hand and placed it against John's fleece. "Ahh now Katie Bates, that'll be a fleece, and they are completely excellent items of clothing – and before too long I'll make sure you have one of your own!"

"John … I know we can't get married … but I want to change my name by deed poll. I want to be a Bates with you and Katie. What do you think?"

"I think I would love you and Katie whatever your names were … but I would be honoured if you would take my name! Hey – I'll tell you something funny, I had a police escort here!"

"What! How come?"

"I was caught speeding by Bill Jones, but when I told him why I was speeding he gave me a police escort … it was quite fun actually." Walking over to the window, the amber glow of the night lights of the city on display, John shift Katie up in the crook of his arm, showing her the view of the city.  
"Hey Katie Bates, look at that – that's your world that is. And it's glorious; it's full of surprises and hope. There's some bad things out there, but the love and the happy moments – they're grand, and they keep you going, and I know me, me and your mam, we'll look after you and protect you from the bad stuff so that you can explore and enjoy the good bits … does that sound like a plan Katie Bates? And what do you think Anna?" He turned round to face Anna laying in the bed, fast asleep, a small smile on her face, he smiled down at his baby daughter, of all the things he'd ever had in his hands he had never seen something that took his breath away so much, something that occupied so much of his love. And for the first time, in a very long time he felt entirely complete.

* * *

**5 years later**

* * *

Anna and John sat on the beach, the cold air whipping up the Irish sea into a frothy frenzy, despite the cold weather Katie was diligently making herself a sand castle out of the damp sand, while her 3 year old brother was carefully pooling sand around his feet at Anna's side. It was their third trip to Goleen co. Cork in as many months, John's mother had been ill and it was taking its toll of John. He was exhausted, holding onto Anna's hand on the beach she could see he was a shadow of the man she knew.

"It's beautiful here isn't it John."

"Aye – it is … I wish we didn't have to leave …"

"Well why do we?"

"What?"

"I know it's what you want John, I know you want to be closer to your Mam. I mean, it's just something to think about … maybe not here in Goleen, but Cork maybe? I could get a job there, and so could you … it's not an impossability that's all I'm saying. And I know you want to be closer to your Mam…"

"Yeah but Anna, I mean would you want to? It would be a massive change, for you and for the kids … it'd mean learning Gaelic."

"Yeah – as opposed to learning Welsh! Is it what you want John?"

"Yes – if I'm honest."

"Then we should, you're wearing yourself out being so far away from your Mam! If we came over here you could relax, and feel a bit more like yourself – and … and, and if you were able to relax and feel a bit more yourself then we could … maybe try for a brother or sister for Katie and Max … maybe …"

"You mean it?"

"Of course I mean it! Now come on, I'm freezing – we should go and make your Mam some lunch! Once we're back in Wales next week I'll look at the practicalities, jobs, houses, schools, all the exciting things! I'd do anything for you … you know that don't you John?!"


End file.
